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Some people think that in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependant on each other While other say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependant on each other While other say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other 2
Few masses believe that people are independent each other. However, Other assert that in this modern world individuals are dependant on each other. Whereas, this easy will discuss both views in following pharagraph. To embark with, there are Manifold points to shore up my views. First and foremost, the existence of electric household devices because technology is increaseing day by day and many gadgets lunch in everyday namely computer, washing machine and microwave so on. They do not need to take help from other person in household work. All work they can do with the help of technology. However, in earlier days due to lack of technology people had to take help from other person. Secondly, in this modern era, children have optimum opportunity to make their career because learner choose only that field in which they are best so if they choosing field according to interest so they do not need other person because they have already related to their field. They give best their towards their work Nevertheless, undoubtedly, there are many work in which really hard for single person so that they need to take help to compulsory their work. For example, in restaurant, house maid and office in this field workers are needed this is because single person can not handle their whole situation they have to work with their employ to fulfil their desire. Furthermore, inflation is also chief reason behind this dependence because of some masses have do not money to fulfill basic needs they have to dependant on other person so that easily do their work without face any financially problems. To sum up, in this era, people are becoming more independent. Thus, dependence is better than independence because where people depend on other they get great idea towards their problems and will not face any problems.
Few masses believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are independent each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
The singular proper name 'Other' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "asserts", "asserted".
assert
that in this modern world individuals are
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, this easy will discuss both views in following
Possible spelling mistake found.
pharagraph
.

To embark with, there are Manifold points to shore up my views.
First
and foremost, the existence of electric household devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
technology is
Possible spelling mistake found.
increaseing
day by day and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gadgets lunch in
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
namely
computer, washing machine and microwave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they can do with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of technology.
However
, in earlier days due to lack of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Secondly
, in this modern era, children have optimum opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learner choose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
in which they
A determiner is probably missing here: "are the best".
are best
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
Did you mean "they're choosing", "they are choosing", or "they were choosing"?
they choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
according to interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have already related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. They give best their towards their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
work


Nevertheless
,
undoubtedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in which
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to compulsory their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, in restaurant,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
maid and office in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
workers
are needed
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can not handle their whole situation they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with their employ to fulfil their desire.
Furthermore
, inflation is
also
chief reason behind this dependence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses have
Use past participle here: "done".
do
not money to fulfill basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
easily
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without face any
financially
problems.

To sum up, in this era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more independent.
Thus
, dependence is better than independence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
towards their problems and will not face any problems.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependant on each other While other say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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