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Some people think that in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependant on each other While other say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependant on each other While other say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other 1
Technology innovation has remarkably changed the means of our entertainment. An increasing amount of activities could be done through smart phones and tablets. Some people argue that it is unnecessary to go the cinema since everything is at our fingertips, while others insist that films should be enjoyed at a theatre regardless. One benefit of watching the films on a portable device is that the variety of choices is unbeatable and it is extremely easy to navigate through the devices. Downloading is usually available as well, so they can basically watch their favourite films anytime and anywhere they want. It is also a good measure to kill some time on a commute. On the contrary, benefits of watching films in theatres include unbeatable viewing effect, comfortable environment, enjoyable ambient, and having access to the newly released movies. In addition, some genres of movies such as action movies always require a professional environment and audio and sound system for people to enjoy to the fullest. In my opinion, both arguments have their merits and we can choose the best form accordingly to our situation. Watching films on smart phones is by all means convenient and if we want to quickly find a movie to watch while travelling, it is ideal to be able to watch it on our tablets. But if there are some occasions to celebrate or consider, it is always a good idea to go to cinemas to see old friends, celebrate anniversaries, and spend some quality times with families. In conclusion, technology provides a reliable way to expand our film watching options and we could take full advantage of it. But at the same time, going to the cinema remains a traditional way of joy that connects us with our friends, family, and colleagues.
Technology innovation has
remarkably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the means of our entertainment. An increasing amount of activities could
be done
through smart phones and tablets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is unnecessary to go the cinema since everything is at our fingertips, while others insist that films should
be enjoyed
at a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
regardless.

One benefit of watching the films on a portable device is that the variety of choices is unbeatable and it is
extremely
easy to navigate through the devices. Downloading is
usually
available
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
basically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
films anytime and anywhere they want. It is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
measure to kill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time on a commute.

On the contrary
, benefits of watching films in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
include unbeatable viewing effect, comfortable environment, enjoyable ambient, and having access to the
newly
released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
genres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
such as action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
always require a professional environment and audio and sound system for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to enjoy to the fullest.

In my opinion, both arguments have their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
merits and
we can choose the best form
accordingly
to our situation. Watching films on smart phones is by all means convenient and if we want to
quickly
find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
while travelling, it is ideal to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it on our tablets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions to celebrate or consider, it is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to go to cinemas to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friends, celebrate anniversaries, and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality times with families.

In conclusion
, technology provides a reliable way to expand our film watching
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
options and
we could take full advantage of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the same time, going to the cinema remains a traditional way of joy that connects us with our friends, family, and colleagues.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependant on each other While other say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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