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Unemployment has become a major problem in today’s world. What factors contribute to increasing unemployment and what steps can be taken to solve this problem. v.2

Unemployment has become a major problem in today’s world. What factors contribute to increasing unemployment and what steps can be taken to solve this problem. v. 2
It is incontrovertible that Unemployment is one of the most common and chronic problems worldwide; thus, it is thought to have become big trouble in this world of globalization. Further, the analyzation of factors and measures for this issue is yet to be commenced in the subsequent paragraphs. There are certain reasons seem to be the foremost cause for this rise of unemployment, the first and foremost is overpopulation as the number of people who are looking for jobs is increasing; consequently, it is more difficult to arrange jobs for all these huge numbers of workers, and therefore, it leads to unemployment. Besides this, the economic recession is also responsible for this hassle, since the organizations decline the pay scale for the employees owing to control the disbursement of money; meanwhile, the employees have to suffer from the low wages, and hence, they leave the companies. The implementation of certain measures that need to be considered to get rid of this problem. Firstly, the rapid expansion of the population tends to create unemployment; thus, it should be checked in order to solve this problem and also the family planning program is a must to initiate widely and effectively. Secondly, the establishment of the industrial sector may have fruitful results in terms of providing employment; thereby, unemployed people can get a chance to earn their bread and butter for their better livelihood. As an illustration, the government of Kerala set up a textile mill covering 600 unemployed persons on a co-operative basis. In conclusion, though every problem has a solution, still the collaboration of high authority is better to ensure the depletion of unemployment with appropriate ways for the smooth running of society.
It is incontrovertible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployment
is one of the most common and chronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
worldwide;
thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trouble in this world of globalization.
Further
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
analyzation
of factors and measures for this issue is
yet
to
be commenced
in the subsequent paragraphs.

There are certain reasons seem to be the foremost cause for this rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
, the
first
and foremost is overpopulation as the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are looking for jobs is increasing;
consequently
, it is more difficult to arrange jobs for all these huge numbers of workers, and
therefore
, it leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
.
Besides
this, the economic recession is
also
responsible for this hassle, since the organizations decline the pay scale for the employees owing to control the disbursement of money; meanwhile, the employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from the low wages, and
hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

The implementation of certain measures that need to
be considered
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Firstly
, the rapid expansion of the population tends to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
;
thus
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
in order to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
also
the family planning program is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
initiate
widely
and
effectively
.
Secondly
, the establishment of the industrial sector may have fruitful results in terms of providing employment; thereby, unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to earn their bread and butter for their better livelihood. As an illustration, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Kerala set up a textile mill covering 600 unemployed persons on a co-operative basis.

In conclusion
, though every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
has a solution,
still
the collaboration of high authority is better to ensure the depletion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
with appropriate ways for the smooth running of society.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Unemployment has become a major problem in today’s world. What factors contribute to increasing unemployment and what steps can be taken to solve this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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