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Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree with this argument? v.5

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. with this argument? v. 5
Money management is an imperative skill not only for working professionals but also for secondary students. Some people think that this skill must be developed in them. I completely agree that this skill has a myriad of benefits down the road. Firstly, extra spending could be reduced if students understand the value of money. They often splurge inordinate amount of money on unnecessary things such as games, multicolor pens, etc as they are not aware of the efforts which their parents put to earn it. By teaching them the importance of money, this money spending on useless items could be curbed upto an extent. Take Australia for example, where teachers often teach financial management skills to the students from the primary class. As a result, they usually don’t pester their parents to buy unwanted things for them. Secondly, secondary students can save money for their future by learning money management skill. This is because they usually depend on their parents for their higher education fees and other expenditures. By understanding the essential benefits of this skill, they can save some amount of money from their pocket money for their future needs. For example, after secondary education, many students often take admissions in the universities for their higher studies and the fees of such courses are astronomical. Many parents usually take loans to fulfill the learning dream of their children. However, this situation can be avoided by inculcating money saving skill in the students. Thus, not only can they save some money for their higher education, but they can also support their parents financially. In conclusion, not only students can limit themselves from overspending, but they can also save some money for their future by learning about money management. Therefore, I feel that this skill must be taught to the secondary and higher secondary students.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
is an imperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for working professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be developed
in them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
has a myriad of benefits down the road.

Firstly
, extra spending could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
splurge inordinate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unnecessary things such as games, multicolor pens, etc as they are not aware of the efforts which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put to earn it. By teaching them the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spending on useless items could
be curbed
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
an extent. Take Australia
for example
, where teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
teach financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from the primary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
As a result
, they
usually
don’t pester their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unwanted things for them.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future by learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
usually
depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for their higher education fees and other expenditures. By understanding the essential benefits of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future needs.
For example
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take admissions in the universities for their higher studies and the fees of such courses are astronomical.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
usually
take loans to fulfill the learning dream of their children.
However
, this situation can
be avoided
by inculcating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their higher education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
financially
.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can limit themselves from overspending,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future by learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
.
Therefore
, I feel that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
and higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. with this argument? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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