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Some people think in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. v. 1
It is irrefutable that time has gone under a sea change. However, It is unfortunate that in the midst of the vast progress in every field of life, some people proclaim that humans become less independent while others oppose this statement. I, however agree with the latter view. This essay intends to discuss both opinions with examples in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, Inflation is the first and the foremost reason of such dependency. This is because people are unable to buy their own houses as they are unaffordable. As a result, they live with their parents and faces difficulty to live their life in their own way. For instance, In metropolitan cities such as Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata and Bangalore most of the people depend on their parents for accommodation. Another possible reason is burgeoning crime. Due to safety concerns for children and elderly people, one generally prefers to live in a joint family. For example, theft and child abuse incidents, mostly occur in nuclear families, especially where both parents are working. On the contrary, I agree that individuals become more self-dependant in today's society. The first and the foremost reason is education. As a result of which, everyone is having employment, therefore, they are not dependant on their family to fulfil their financial needs. For instance, now adults leave their houses for better job opportunities and handsome income. Moreover, positive attitude is another important factor of making individuals independent. Because of self confidence, today people exploring various sources of getting money to fulfil their desires. To illustrate, even adolescents provide tuition to their young one to satisfy their needs. To conclude, I reiterate my perspective that people become more independent nowadays as they are able of hardworking, sincerity and optimism.
It is irrefutable that time has gone under a sea
change
.
However
, It is unfortunate that in the midst of the vast progress in every field of life,
some
people
proclaim that humans become less independent while others oppose this statement. I,
however
agree
with the latter view. This essay intends to discuss both opinions with examples in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
begin
with, Inflation is the
first
and the foremost reason of such dependency. This is
because
people
are unable to
buy
their
own
houses
as they are unaffordable.
As a result
, they
live
with their parents and faces difficulty to
live
their life in their
own
way.
For instance
, In metropolitan cities such as Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata and Bangalore most of the
people
depend on their parents for accommodation. Another possible reason is burgeoning crime. Due to safety concerns for children and elderly
people
, one
generally
prefers to
live
in a joint family.
For example
, theft and child abuse incidents,
mostly
occur in nuclear families,
especially
where both parents are working.

On the contrary
, I
agree
that individuals become more
self-dependant
in
today
's society. The
first
and the foremost reason is education.
As a result
of which, everyone is having employment,
therefore
, they are not
dependant
on their family to fulfil their financial needs.
For instance
,
now
adults
leave
their
houses
for better job opportunities and handsome income.
Moreover
,
positive
attitude is another
important
factor of making individuals independent.
Because
of
self confidence
,
today
people
exploring various sources of getting money to fulfil their desires. To illustrate, even adolescents provide tuition to their young one to satisfy their needs.

To conclude
, I reiterate my perspective that
people
become more independent nowadays as they are able of hardworking, sincerity and optimism.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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