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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children To what extent do you agree or disagree Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.2

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children 2
Thinking about how destructive can be the consequences of using computer by children has become a worry among families. This magic creature has increased its use day by day and many children are addicted to it without knowing this issue. When computers had begun their journey to homes after workplaces it seemed that they are very helpful in people lives, and maybe nobody be aware of their th overusing consequences. Furthermore, children use computers as a playing instruments and sometimes they play games for hours without having a bit movement. Therefore, computers have influenced on our children’s health. They have no physical activities and obesity becomes the major problem of families. Unfortunately, problems in vision, violences in adolescents, mental problems and disregard for school duties, all are because of using computers by our children in their frequent times. Sometimes, the reason of overusing of computers is, fulling children spare time by such leisures because parents claim that they are not able to control their children demands. However, on top of all, before buying a computer device for a child, we should inform him/ her about negative effects of computer and children should dedicate a special time for both beneficial and entertainment use of computers. All in all, from nursery schools to high schools, educational infrastructures should be able to inform students and children about negative impacts of computers. Also, parents should be able to control their child when using computer, and in my opinion every home should have a separate room for computer use to avoid overusing by preparing appropriate schedules.
Thinking about how destructive can be the consequences of using computer by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has become a worry among families. This magic creature has increased its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
day by day and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to it without knowing this issue.

When computers had begun their journey to homes after workplaces it seemed that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
, and maybe nobody
The pronoun 'nobody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
be
aware of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
th
overusing consequences.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers as a playing instruments and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they play games for hours without having a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
bit
movement.
Therefore
, computers have influenced on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health. They have no physical activities and obesity becomes the major problem of families. Unfortunately, problems in vision, violences in adolescents, mental problems and disregard for school duties, all are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of using computers by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their frequent times.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the reason of overusing of computers is, fulling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spare time by such
Possible spelling mistake found.
leisures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents claim that they are not able to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
demands.
However
, on top of all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying a computer device for a child, we should inform him/ her about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should dedicate a special time for both beneficial and entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers.

All in all, from nursery schools to high schools, educational infrastructures should be able to inform students and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of computers.
Also
, parents should be able to control their child when using computer, and in my opinion every home should have a separate room for computer
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
avoid overusing by preparing appropriate schedules.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
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Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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