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it is suggested that everyone should have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages? v.1

it is suggested that everyone should have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages? v. 1
Some people believe that it is necessary for each person to possess an item of some fundamental needs for travelling, entertainment and food storage. Although some clear benefits of such development could be seen, they are, in my view, eclipsed by the considerable drawbacks. There are several advantages of having a private car, TV and fridge. First of all, people who need to travel on a daily basis, especially those who live far away from workplace, could stay active all the time thanks to the availability of their personal vehicle. Secondly, having a TV could be a perfect choice of recreation because it offers a a variety of channels, such as Cartoon Network or HBO, to satisfy viewers’ personal preferences. Finally, when in possession of a fridge, people would save a significant amount of time supposedly spent on shopping for food. However, the disadvantages of those personal possessions are much greater regarding both environmental and individual levels. To start with, hypothetically if everyone had his own private form of transport, particularly cars, the emission of harmful exhaust which would be too difficult to measure would do grave harm to the environment. From an individual perspective, it would cost a legacy if every person insisted on purchasing his own fridge and TV. This is because property prices would certainly accelerate owing to the growth in customers’ demand for those commodities. Also of great concern is the payment of expensive electric bills as fridges have to be plugged in all the time. In conclusion, despite a few beneficial aspects of having a car, a TV and a fridge, the demerits are of greater significance from both individual and environmental angles.
Some
people
believe that it is necessary for each person to possess an item of
some
fundamental needs for travelling, entertainment and food storage. Although
some
clear
benefits of such development could be
seen
, they are, in my view, eclipsed by the considerable drawbacks.

There are several advantages of having a private car, TV and fridge.
First of all
,
people
who need to travel on a daily basis,
especially
those who
live
far away from workplace, could stay active all the time thanks to the availability of their personal vehicle.
Secondly
, having a TV could be a perfect choice of recreation
because
it offers
a a
variety of channels, such as Cartoon Network or HBO, to satisfy viewers’ personal preferences.
Finally
, when in possession of a fridge,
people
would save a significant amount of time
supposedly
spent on shopping for food.

However
, the disadvantages of those personal possessions are much greater regarding both environmental and individual levels. To
start
with,
hypothetically
if everyone had his
own
private form of transport,
particularly
cars, the emission of harmful exhaust which would be too difficult to measure would do grave harm to the environment. From an individual perspective, it would cost a legacy if every person insisted on purchasing his
own
fridge and TV. This is
because
property prices would
certainly
accelerate owing to the growth in customers’ demand for those commodities.
Also
of great concern is the payment of expensive electric bills as fridges
have to
be plugged
in all the time.

In conclusion
, despite a few beneficial aspects of having a car, a TV and a fridge, the demerits are of greater significance from both individual and environmental angles.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay it is suggested that everyone should have a car, a television and a fridge. Do disadvantages of this development for society outweigh advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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