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Some people think that illegal Internet downloads is having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that it has little or no impact on artists. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads is having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that it has little or no impact on artists. v. 1
The growth of the Internet has also seen the growth of piracy. However, although some people believe that this is having a damaging effect on the record industry, I won’t believe that it does. On the one hand, it could be argued that illegal downloads steal money directly from the pockets of singers and performers. After they have created a CD, artists expect to receive money from their product, and the most obvious way for them to do this is through record sales. Furthermore, it could be thought that companies that have invested in these artists also lose money this way. Another issue is recognizing, as illegal downloads are not counted in the official music charts and, therefore, won’t help earn an artist a number one spot. However, there are a number of reasons why I feel that downloading music for free is not as bad as it first appears. Firstly, record companies have overpriced content, because they often charge the same price to download audio files as to buy a real CD. I believe illegal piracy will simply bring the price of audio files down to a level that is closer to their real worth, and then die out. More importantly, the number one goal for young singers who try to enter the market is to gain recognition. Internet downloads only help to spread their popularity, and recent research has shown that the money lost in record sales due to Internet piracy is more than made up for in concert ticket sales. In conclusion, although illegal downloads, prevent young artists from having a number one chart position, they give them more airplay time and the opportunity to promote their fame to a wider audience. I therefore believe that, on balance, online piracy does more to promote the success of young stars than detract from it.
The growth of the Internet has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
.
However
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this is having a damaging effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
industry, I won’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it does.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
steal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
directly
from the pockets of singers and performers. After they have created a CD,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their product, and the most obvious way for them to do this is through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
sales.
Furthermore
, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that have invested in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
also
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
this way. Another issue
The verb 'recognizing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is recognizing
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
are not counted in the official music charts and,
therefore
, won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
earn an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
one spot.

However
, there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of reasons why I feel that downloading music for free is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as it
first
appears.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have overpriced content,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
charge the same price to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
download
audio files as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a real CD. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
will
simply
bring the price of audio files down to a level
that is
closer to their real worth, and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out. More
importantly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
one goal for young singers who try to enter the market is to gain recognition. Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to spread their popularity, and recent research has shown that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
lost in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
sales due to Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
is more than made up for in concert ticket sales.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
from having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
one chart position, they give them more airplay time and the opportunity to promote their fame to a wider audience. I
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that, on balance, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
piracy
does more to promote the success of young stars than detract from it.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that illegal Internet downloads is having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that it has little or no impact on artists. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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