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some people think that history subject should be taught in school. But others suggest that other relevant subjects are more important to learn for children. v.1

some people think that history subject should be taught in school. But others suggest that other relevant subjects are more important to learn for children. v. 1
At present time, due to the technological advancements, a drastic change in the field of education can be witnessed. Due to this fact, tendency given to history subject is being declined. A half growing body of evidence advocates that the history subject should be taught in schools. Controversially, others are in the favour of other relevant subjects which can be proved as more beneficial for children. In regard to learning history subject by children, it is generally observed that one can learn several lessons from the past time events. For example, lessons of ancestors teach the value of sacrifices and struggle. Besides this, history connects with traditions, culture and beliefs by which a country is uniquely recognized. Furthermore, historical events act as precious gift for a child. By learning about history, a child can enhance the horizon of his thinking. For instance, the events of World Wars, a child comes to know about its good and adverse results such as economic disaster and value of independence. These all learnings helps a child in knowing about good and consequences of past time happenings. As a result, without history subject, no any other subject can provide this type of valuable information and findings. In contrast, due to the explosion of Science and Technology fields, education is based on technological advancements. It is experienced that many inventions and discoveries are made. So, if children are encouraged towards Science and Technology based subjects, then they can be able to take part in Research and Development streams. Moreover, in many cases, historical events are based on myths having no any relevance. In this case, history becomes wasteful for children. So, instead of consuming time for studying history subject, they can get more responsive and productive results regarding their career if most significant subjects like Science, computer, mathematics and other advanced subjects are included in school curriculam. To sum up, although technology based subjects are necessary for the best progess of a child, but history is the precious treasure which cannot be replaced by any other subject.
At present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, due to the technological advancements, a drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the field of education can
be witnessed
. Due to this fact, tendency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is
being declined
. A half growing body of evidence advocates that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
should
be taught
in schools.
Controversially
, others are in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which can
be proved
as more beneficial for children.

In regard to learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
by children, it is
generally
observed that one can learn several lessons from the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
For example
, lessons of ancestors teach the value of sacrifices and struggle.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
connects with traditions, culture and beliefs by which a country is
uniquely
recognized.
Furthermore
, historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
act as precious gift for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. By learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can enhance the horizon of his thinking.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
of World Wars, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to know about its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and adverse results such as economic disaster and value of independence. These all learnings
You should probably use "help".
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in knowing about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and consequences of past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
happenings.
As a result
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
can provide this type of valuable information and findings.

In contrast
, due to the explosion of Science and Technology fields, education
is based
on technological advancements. It
is experienced
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inventions and discoveries
are made
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if children
are encouraged
towards Science and Technology based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, then they can be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in Research and Development streams.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are based
on myths having
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any relevance.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
becomes wasteful for children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more responsive and productive results regarding their career if most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like Science, computer, mathematics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are included
in school
Possible spelling mistake found.
curriculam
.

To sum up, although technology based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are necessary for the best
Possible spelling mistake found.
progess
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is the precious treasure which cannot
be replaced
by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that history subject should be taught in school. But others suggest that other relevant subjects are more important to learn for children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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