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Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 2
One of the important part of life is a work. In general, work divides on two kinds: paid and unpaid. Some people believe that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community, while others disagree. I think, it has benefit for both the individual teenagers and society; however, people should not restrict the rights of teenagers and use them instead of salary workers. On the one hand, it is a good opportunity for teenagers help the local community. I think, they can find several hours per week to do something; for example, cut the trees, collect garbage or painting fence. In this case, teenagers will know that it is their common home and they will take care about it. Teenagers can meet new good friends to spend their leisure time together. In addition, this work should be unpaid to people to feel the importance of the social part of it. Moreover, the local community can save money for developing their district; for example, they can build new playgrounds for children. On the other hand, the local community can use teenagers instead of hire workers for some kind of works. They can use students in their private aims and save money for themselves. In this case, the government should control the local community and not allow any discrepancy with the law. I think, teenagers should know about all kind of agreed works that they can do for the local community to avoid injustice. In conclusion, it is a good practice to require teenagers for work to help the local community. They will take care about environment and elderly people as well. I think, this type of work should be voluntary to involve more and more teenagers. In addition, the local community should follow the rules and prevent to use of teenagers for their own purposes.
One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
divides on two kinds: paid and unpaid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should
be required
to do unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their free time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, while others disagree. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, it has benefit for both the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and society;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not restrict the rights of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
instead
of salary workers.

On the one hand, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, they can find several hours per week to do something;
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the trees, collect garbage or painting fence.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will know that it is their common
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they will take care about it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends to spend their leisure time together.
In addition
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be unpaid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel the importance of the social part of it.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
can save money for developing their district;
for example
, they can build new playgrounds for children.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
instead
of hire workers for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of works. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
students in their private aims and save money for themselves.
In this case
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
any discrepancy with the law. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should know about all kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
works that they can do for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
to avoid injustice.

In conclusion
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice to require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. They will take care about environment and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be voluntary to involve more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
should follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
purposes.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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