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Some people think that health care is a basic human necessity that should not be provided by provided private companies. But should be provided by state. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of health care being provided by the private sector v.1

Some people think that health care is a basic human necessity that should not be provided by provided private companies. But should be provided by state. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of health care being provided by the private sector v. 1
Certain individuals believe that voluntary social services must be included as a main part of a college course. In my opinion, I strongly agree that voluntary social services should be inculcated as part of the higher education program. The rationales would be discussed intensively in the essay below. One of the reasons why certain individuals think voluntary social services should be included as part of college programs is that it helps prepare young adults in securing job opportunities at their post academic level. People think students would gain experience while they work as volunteers offering community services during high school because it gives them an edge over other candidates when applying for jobs in the future. For instance, a research carried out by students of the Univeristy of Lagos, Nigeria, shows that 60% of students who worked as volunteers during their high school days usually finds it easier to secure jobs in top non governmental organisations. Futhermore, another reason why some individuals think voluntary social services should be included as component of college programs is it helps develop their leadership skills. The students learn various leadership skills such as being responsible, a team player, a good decision maker, good values and so on. This propels them to function effectively in areas they find themselves. For example, I was a volunteer with the social service group in my school. I was able to learn to work as a team leader to achieve the organisational goals and objective and well as taking important decisions that were of great benefits to my units, these have helped me over time in my managerial role with my present organisation. In conclusion, I strongly agree that voluntary services should be included in university programs as believed by certain individuals because it plays a major role in preparing the students for the future. The reasons have been discussed extensively above.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be included
as a main part of a college course. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should
be inculcated
as part of the higher education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. The rationales would
be discussed
intensively
in the essay below.

One of the reasons why certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should
be included
as part of college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
prepare young adults in securing job opportunities at their post academic level.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would gain experience while they work as volunteers offering community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
during high school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them an edge over other candidates when applying for jobs in the future.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Univeristy
of Lagos, Nigeria,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who worked as volunteers during their high school days
usually
finds it easier to secure jobs in top
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non governmental
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, another reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should
be included
as component of college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
develop their leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn various leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as being responsible, a team player, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision maker,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This propels them to function
effectively
in areas they find themselves.
For example
, I was a volunteer with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
group in my school. I was able to learn to work as a team leader to achieve the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisational' is British English.
organisational
goals and objective and well as taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions that were of great benefits to my units, these have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me over time in my managerial role with my present
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should
be included
in university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
as believed by certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it plays a major role in preparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the future. The reasons have
been discussed
extensively
above.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Some people think that health care is a basic human necessity that should not be provided by provided private companies. But should be provided by state. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of health care being provided by the private sector v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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