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Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v.2

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v. 2
It is commonly believed that private healthcare services are rather expensive for a mere person. This essay will analyse both merits and demerits of health services being catered by profit-making companies, and I think the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. On the one hand, state-owned healthcare institutions may benefit from private health companies. This is because private hospitals may share responsibilities with state hospitals in taking care of the public’s health, which decompresses the burden shouldered by national health systems in terms of overload of patients. With patients being allocated to a private hospital, the waiting lists for examinations and operations are substantially shortened in public hospitals. As a result, state-own health systems are free from the overload, enabling more human and facility resources to be available. Consequently, this system would allow each patient to be treated with higher quality as more machines and health staffs would be utilized per one person. On the other hand, the biggest disadvantage of the private healthcare system is its price being extravagant for many ordinary people. For example, one’s treatment fee in a profit-oriented hospital can twice or three times as high as it should be in those subsidized by the government. With such a high price, only the affluent can afford a treatment in a private hospital, while those with low salary cannot. Consequently, this situation would worsen the well-being of the society in a whole, and deepen the gap between the rich and the poor. In conclusion, while private hospitals truly reduce the pressure on government-owned hospitals regarding the overload of patients, the profit-yielding healthcare system may put even a greater burden on its clients because of its extravagant cost of treatment. Therefore, I believe its disadvantage obviously outweighs the advantage.
It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare services are
rather
expensive for a mere person. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services
being catered
by profit-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the disadvantages outweigh its advantages.

On the one hand, state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
healthcare institutions may benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
may share responsibilities with state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
in taking care of the public’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, which decompresses the burden shouldered by national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
in terms of overload of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
being allocated
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
, the waiting lists for examinations and operations are
substantially
shortened in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
.
As a result
, state-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
are free from the overload, enabling more human and facility resources to be available.
Consequently
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
to
be treated
with higher quality as more machines and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
staffs would
be utilized
per one person.

On the other hand
, the biggest disadvantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is its price being extravagant for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, one’s treatment fee in a profit-oriented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
can twice or three times as high as it should be in those subsidized by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. With such a high price,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the affluent can afford a treatment in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
, while those with low salary cannot.
Consequently
, this situation would worsen the well-being of the society in a whole, and deepen the gap between the rich and the poor.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
regarding the overload of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
, the profit-yielding healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
may put even a greater burden on its clients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its extravagant cost of treatment.
Therefore
, I believe its disadvantage
obviously
outweighs the advantage.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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