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Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v.7

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v. 7
It is considered by some that country develops rapidly, if people from different nations stay together in a same country and I completely agree with the notion. To begin with, having people of different nationalities promotes harmony in the area. These people can often be seen working in the same department or living as a neighbour and they get plenty of time to interact. It gives them an opportunity to understand each other’s culture and get traditional insights. For instance, some of the most advanced nations like the United States or Canada, are inviting thousands of bright professionals and students across the world to pursue their studies or to contribute in respective fields. Furthermore, these places are regarded as the technological hubs and most renowned companies of the world like Google and Apple have headquarters there. In addition, providing temporary or permanent immigration opportunities for people of one country to other paves the way for improved relations between them. To illustrate the fact, of late, communications between India and Japan has been growing immensely. Further, it promotes tourism, which has been regarded as one of the gigantic changes during the last two decades, and has been providing numerous employment options to the citizens for earning their daily needs. Consequently, it assists in economic development and improve the overall GDP of the country. To conclude, in the globalized era of today, where people are working in other countries, has not only benefited the nations, but also to its citizens. However, if protectionist outlook is adopted, it could prove to be detrimental to an economy.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
develops
rapidly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations stay together in a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities promotes harmony in the area. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
working in the same department or living as a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
neighbour and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time to interact. It gives them an opportunity to understand each other’s culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
traditional insights.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most advanced nations like the United States or Canada, are inviting thousands of bright professionals and students across the world to pursue their studies or to contribute in respective fields.
Furthermore
, these places
are regarded
as the technological hubs and most renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
of the world like Google and Apple have headquarters there.

In addition
, providing temporary or permanent immigration opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to other paves the way for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
relations between them. To illustrate the fact, of late, communications between India and Japan has been growing
immensely
.
Further
, it promotes tourism, which has
been regarded
as one of the gigantic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
during the last two decades, and has been providing numerous employment options to the citizens for earning their daily needs.
Consequently
, it assists in economic development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
overall
GDP of the country.

To conclude
, in the globalized era of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefited the nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to its citizens.
However
, if protectionist outlook
is adopted
, it could prove to be detrimental to an economy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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