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Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree v.4

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree v. 4
There is a believe that bringing together people from different countries and cultural backgrounds can accelerate the advancement of a country. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this idea considering a general setting, having two or more people coming together with different views and skills will help achieve a better result, I will further support my view with some points. Firstly, taking the case of Nigeria in 1960, the nation was initially in the dark in education and development, but the presence of the British and other foreign countries helped us to develop faster especially in trade exchange, there are still places in Africa with no access to formal education and this is a priority for national growth to occur, having multinationals from developed nations will help the nation to grow. Furthermore, most schools in Nigeria for example were built by foreigners, the university of ibadan, oldest institution in Nigeria was built by the British government. Secondly, cultural exchange helps in the development of a country. It limits the barriers of communication between countries which can help such country to get support from more developed countries. For example, Commonwealth African nations like Ghana saw a great spike in development and still benefitting immensely from the British government because of the mutual understanding existing between the countries, another example is the increasing investment of Chinese government in Nigeria due to this interaction. In conclusion, the benefits African countries have derived from the foreign countries are all obvious for all to see, therefore, having people from different cultural background will further accelerate development and should be encouraged.
There is a
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
that bringing together
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and cultural backgrounds can accelerate the advancement of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
considering a general setting, having two or more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
coming together with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
achieve a better result, I will
further
support my view with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points.

Firstly
, taking the case of Nigeria in 1960, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
was
initially
in the dark in education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the presence of the British and other foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us to develop faster
especially
in trade exchange, there are
still
places in Africa with no access to formal education and this is a priority for national growth to occur, having multinationals from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to grow.
Furthermore
, most schools in Nigeria
for example
were built
by foreigners, the university of
Possible spelling mistake found.
ibadan
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the oldest".
oldest
institution in Nigeria
was built
by the British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Secondly
, cultural exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It limits the barriers of communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, Commonwealth African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
like Ghana
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a great spike in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and
still
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
immensely
from the British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the mutual understanding existing between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, another example is the increasing investment of Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in Nigeria due to this interaction.

In conclusion
, the benefits African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have derived from the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are all obvious for all to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
therefore
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural background will
further
accelerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and should
be encouraged
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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