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Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. What extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. What extent v. 4
In this modern society, people receive a lot of choices and opportunities to land a job. It is assumed that people opting for a job at an early age and maintaining it as a permanent career are easier to gain job satisfaction than others who often switch their jobs. Personally, I think that both these options have its advantages and may bring people pleasure in their career lives. On the one hand, pursuing and focusing on one job might bring some benefits to workers. Firstly, long-time employees can accumulate relevant experience and enhance professional skills since they go through training and learning period to get used to how the company operates. Therefore, they are likely to expose their performance and build trust with their colleagues and employers as well as increase working productivity. Obviously, these workers deserve high and stable income which may enforce their quality life. Secondly, employees who settle down with one job stand a good chance to gain promotion and climb up on their career ladders because of their contribution and loyalty to the company. For example, the majority of world-class restaurants such as Mirazu in France and Alinea in USA only take on 5-6-year-experience chefs no matter how talented the candidates are, which means that job switchers or novice cooks are completely unable to be taken into consideration. On the other hand, it is undeniable that people who frequently change jobs also have the privilege to obtain fulfilment in their working lives. To be more specific, regular alterations in occupation require and also provides job hoppers have a wide range of essential skills and knowledge in various expertises. Adapting to a new working environment can make job seekers become more flexible and dynamic. In this way, they will have the ability to deal with difficulties in both work and life which may contribute to the improvement of their mental health. Furthermore, employees being exposed to numerous fields of work tend to find it easier to figure out their strengths and weaknesses as well as the most suitable occupation that fits their competence and interest. Last but not least, job efficiency and happiness will be achieved if the workers can move to other jobs when they are put under stresses or strains of work such as discrimination or fights with bosses. In conclusion, when all things considered, I am convinced that both occupation switches or settlement may bring pleasure to workers. What's most important is that they feel happy and remorseless with their job decisions and choices in life.
In this modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
choices and opportunities to land a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It
is assumed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opting for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at an early age and maintaining it as a permanent career are easier to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction than others who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
switch their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both these options have its advantages and may bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pleasure in their career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the one hand, pursuing and focusing on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
might bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Firstly
, long-time employees can accumulate relevant experience and enhance professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
since they go through training and learning period to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
operates.
Therefore
, they are likely to expose their performance and build trust with their colleagues and employers
as well
as increase working productivity.
Obviously
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
deserve high and stable income which may enforce their quality life.
Secondly
, employees who settle down with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stand a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to gain promotion and climb up on their career ladders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their contribution and loyalty to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
, the majority of world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
restaurants such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mirazu
in France and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alinea
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take on 5-6-year-experience chefs no matter how talented the candidates are, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
switchers or novice cooks are completely unable to
be taken
into consideration.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
also
have the privilege to obtain
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
in their working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To be more specific, regular alterations in occupation require and
also
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hoppers have a wide range of essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge in various expertises. Adapting to a new working environment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers become more flexible and dynamic. In this way, they will have the ability to deal with difficulties in both work and life which may contribute to the improvement of their mental health.
Furthermore
, employees
being exposed
to numerous fields of work tend to find it easier to figure out their strengths and weaknesses
as well
as the most suitable occupation that fits their competence and interest. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
efficiency and happiness will
be achieved
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
when they
are put
under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
or strains of work such as discrimination or fights with bosses.

In conclusion
, when all things considered, I
am convinced
that both occupation switches or settlement may bring pleasure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. What's most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is that they feel happy and remorseless with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
decisions and choices in life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to have a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. What extent v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
422 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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