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Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v.3

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v. 3
People are always on move and in constant search for new places since historical times. There is a belief that societies formed by people of different backgrounds and cultures tend to develop faster. I partially agree with the above statement and the essay below will discuss the pros and cons of this migration followed by a reasoned conclusion. To begin with, People move to different countries for many reasons example in search of a job or better opportunities, to escape war or persecution, etc. The countries accepting the immigrants may benefit from the migration if migrants are well educated and can be an asset to the society rather than being a liability. For example, Canada is running an immigration program to attract a talented crowd to help the economy. But migrants that come from war-ridden countries or countries plagued with the socio-economic problems often become a headache for the welcoming nation. For Instance, the Cologne city in Germany saw the sexual harassment of 1000 girls by the Arabs and African immigrants. Moreover, though vibrant cultures and traditions reflect the secular values of the country, it is incumbent upon the immigrants to accept the law and order of the new nation. The new age fear of migrants stealing the jobs of natives or breaking law and order has resulted in xenophobia. In contrast to this, there are countries fully formed and developed by migrants who all co-exist in a peaceful environment and live by the constitution of the country. To conclude, though living with people with different cultural background and nationalities promotes harmony but every individual irrespective of their background should live by the constitution of the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are always on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and in constant search for new places since historical times. There is a belief that societies formed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and cultures tend to develop faster. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement and the essay below will discuss the pros and cons of this migration followed by a reasoned conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons example in search of a job or better opportunities, to escape war or persecution, etc. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
accepting the immigrants may benefit from the migration if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and can be an asset to the society
rather
than being a liability.
For example
, Canada is running an immigration program to attract a talented crowd to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from war-ridden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
plagued with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
become a headache for the welcoming nation.
For Instance
, the Cologne city in Germany
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the sexual harassment of 1000 girls by the Arabs and African immigrants.

Moreover
, though vibrant cultures and traditions reflect the secular values of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it is incumbent upon the immigrants to accept the law and order of the new nation. The new age fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
stealing the jobs of natives or breaking law and order has resulted in xenophobia.
In contrast
to this, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
fully
formed and developed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
who all co-exist in a peaceful environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by the constitution of the country.

To conclude
, though living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural background and nationalities promotes harmony
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every individual irrespective of their background should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by the constitution of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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