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Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country make the country develop faster. Do you agree? v.2

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country make the country develop faster. Do you agree? v. 2
It is commonly thought by many individuals that if people from various countries and cultural beliefs are staying together in the same nation, it will result in speedy progress of that country. In my opinion, I totally disagree that if people from several nationalities and cultural perceptions reside together, it would result in faster development of that country. Firstly, individuals from different countries and cultural beliefs, staying in the same country tend to have disputes. This is because of the different views they have regarding particular aspects of life, such as religious ideologies. A 2018 special survey by the West African bureau of statistics uncovered that several disputes were recorded in the region as a result of persons from different countries who have conflicting religious beliefs. This reveals the extent to which people living in the same country with several religious perceptions has a deleterious effect. Secondly, the level of unemployment in the country would highly increase. This is as a result of some companies retrenching their staff in order to accommodate the migrants and this would significantly increase the lack of paid jobs in that nation. For example, in Nigeria, a lot of workers were sacked and expatriates were recruited for the positions since the government believe they are more skilled and this resulted in massive unemployment in the country. Finally, it is quite certain that influx of people from different countries would cause insufficient accommodations for both migrants and citizens. This trend would continue if nothing significant is done urgently. This notion is supported by a 2016 report by New York times which showed that there has been a 60 percent decrease in avaliable houses for residents, most of which is attributed to several people from different countries coming to live in the same country. To conclude, in as much as having people from different countries and cultures has its benefits, the deleterious effects are far more obvious in my opinion. This is because it would result in conflicts, high level of unemployment and insufficient housing. This will negatively affect the growth of any nation.
It is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and cultural beliefs are staying together in the same nation, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in speedy progress of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from several nationalities and cultural perceptions reside together, it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in faster development of that country.

Firstly
, individuals from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and cultural beliefs, staying in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
tend to have disputes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
views they have regarding particular aspects of life, such as religious ideologies. A 2018 special survey by the West African bureau of statistics uncovered that several disputes
were recorded
in the region as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of persons from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who have conflicting religious beliefs. This reveals the extent to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with several religious perceptions has a deleterious effect.

Secondly
, the level of unemployment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would
highly
increase. This is as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
retrenching their staff in order to accommodate the migrants and this would
significantly
increase the lack of paid jobs in that nation.
For example
, in Nigeria,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
workers
were sacked
and expatriates
were recruited
for the positions since the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
believe they are more skilled and this resulted in massive unemployment in the country.

Finally
, it is quite certain that influx of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would cause insufficient accommodations for both migrants and citizens. This trend would continue if nothing significant
is done
urgently
. This notion
is supported
by a 2016 report by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York times
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there has been a 60 percent decrease in
Possible spelling mistake found.
avaliable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
for residents, most of which
is attributed
to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
coming to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same country.

To conclude
, in as much as having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and cultures has its benefits, the deleterious effects are far more obvious in my opinion. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in conflicts, high level of unemployment and insufficient housing. This will
negatively
affect the growth of any nation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in the same country make the country develop faster. Do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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