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All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that school teaches children a skill but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children's future. Discuss both sides. v.1

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that school teaches children a skill but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children's future. v. 1
In this modern era, job opportunities are widely open across all sectors. To meet this ever growing demand, parents thrive to equip their children at their very young age with the required skills. For this reason, some parents believe that schools should take additional responsibilities to cover a wide range of subjects in addition to their regular coursework. On the other hand, some parents think that the school curriculum is sufficient for children. In this essay, I will discuss about both these aspects in detail. In these days, parents have high expectations on schools. Firstly, they wanted schools to teach the syllabus so that students can acquire the fundamental skills. Secondly, they wanted schools to conduct co-curricular activities at regular intervals which can greatly enhance their children's skills. Moreover, apart their regular subjects, few parents insist schools to cover a range of subjects at every grade so that students can develop their skills in multiple areas. Despite classroom sessions, other forms of teaching are playing a pivotal role in children's education as they tend to get distracted with theoretical classes. For example, few schools in India provide interactive sessions and outdoor practical classes on various other subjects as well to keep them occupied. Such practices are always essential for children to have diversified knowledge. On the other hand, some parents think that children can get sufficient skills by learning lessons from their regular syllabus. In such cases, schools can provide international exchange programs by collaborating with schools in other countries so that children can have world class exposure of their subjects and can have broader visibility. For example, some of the schools in Europe offer these exchange programs after sixth grade. Moreover, schools should also offer scholarship assistance to students to reduce the burden among the parents. To conclude, the common expectation is that schools should be able to complete syllabus as early as possible so that they can accommodate the parent's request of covering additional courses. Hence schools should take equal responsibilities in upbringing the children to have a better future.
In this modern era, job opportunities are
widely
open across all sectors. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this ever growing demand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
thrive to equip their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age with the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take additional responsibilities to cover a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in addition
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
coursework. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum is sufficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this essay, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
these aspects in detail.

In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have high expectations on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
, they wanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to teach the syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students can acquire the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Secondly
, they wanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to conduct co-curricular activities at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
intervals which can
greatly
enhance their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Moreover
, apart their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
insist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to cover a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at every grade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students can develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in multiple areas. Despite classroom sessions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of teaching are playing a pivotal role in children's education as they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted with theoretical classes.
For example
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in India provide interactive sessions and outdoor practical classes on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as well
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them occupied. Such practices are always essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have diversified knowledge.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by learning lessons from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
syllabus. In such cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can provide international exchange programs by collaborating with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
exposure of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and can have broader visibility.
For example
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in Europe offer these exchange programs after sixth grade.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
also
offer scholarship assistance to students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden among the parents.

To conclude
, the common expectation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should be able to complete syllabus as early as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can accommodate the parent's request of covering additional courses.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take equal responsibilities in upbringing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a better future.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that school teaches children a skill but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children's future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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