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Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. v. 4
People have different views about the ways watching films. While it is true that it would be convenient to see films on phones or tablets, I believe that being in the cinema would be more enjoyable for people. Thanks to the technology advances nowadays everyone can use their smartphone or other similar digital devices simply as a video player. For example, in every laptop which has a Microsoft windows operating system, there is a software for playing movies which called windows media player. Definitely having such a convenient gadget People are less willing to go to the movies no matter how good the movies are. Moreover, Research shows that having such devices is a contributing factor in reducing the number of people who go to movie venues. However, from my point of view there are several compelling reasons which support going to cinema for watching movies. First of all since basically men are social creatures they need to be in touch with each other therefore attendance in cinema would satisfy this need. Moreover, going out could be fun and can relieve people from daily stresses. Another reason which should be considered is that some movies may only be shown in the cinema and may not be sold outside it, so the only way for watching this kind of movies is being at the locations where such films are being screened otherwise, we may be deprived from enjoying this movies which might be exclusive and very valuable. In conclusion, from my perspective while most of people tend to see their favourite movies in their digital players, I would prefer to see them with others in the cinema.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the ways watching films. While it is true that it would be convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
films on phones or tablets, I believe that being in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
would be more enjoyable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Thanks to the technology advances nowadays everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their smartphone or other similar digital devices
simply
as a video player.
For example
, in every laptop which has a
Did you mean the proper noun "Microsoft Windows" (= Microsoft product)?
Microsoft windows
operating system, there is a software for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which called
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
windows media player
. Definitely having such a convenient gadget
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are less willing to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are.
Moreover
, Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that having such devices is a contributing factor in reducing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
venues.

However
, from my point of view there are several compelling reasons which support going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
for watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
since
basically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are social creatures they need to be in touch with each other
therefore
attendance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
would satisfy this need.
Moreover
, going out could be fun and can relieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
. Another reason which should
be considered
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be shown
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
and may not
be sold
outside it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for watching this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is being at the locations where such films are
being screened
otherwise
, we may be
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
enjoying
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which might be exclusive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable.

In conclusion
, from my perspective while most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in their digital players, I would prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them with others in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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