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Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural background living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v.1

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural background living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v. 1
Number of individuals consider that multicultural countries grow more quickly in comparison with homogeneous society. I completely agree with the notion because diversity is important for the new ideas and development. First, various ethnic groups making interactions enrich each other with new point of views, attitudes toward life, solutions and cultures. People become more open-minded and tolerant which in turn helps the society to thrive because people do not waste their resources for contradicting different view but using the best solutions from the all introduced cultures instead. As a result, the economy of multicultural country will rapidly grow, as influence of new ideas from diverse cultures will support the growth. For instance, new kind of business can be implemented, such as Mexican fast food restaurant in my home city, which was opened by immigrants from Mexico. Surprisingly, it is become very popular in spite the fact that it is not our traditional food. Secondly, as rule highly educated and skilled immigrants arrive in a multinational country. Consequently, host country have well educated skilled workforce which is definitely is useful for the local economy. In addition, part of the migrating people would bring new technologies with them and capital flow as well. For example, one of my colleague is from India, he brought with him a technology how to do processing of a LIDAR data, and modelling based on it. Due to this, our company was able to double our income in this quarter. In conclusion, I totally agree that ethnical diversity in a country makes the nation to evolve sooner in contrast with homogeneous society.
Number of individuals consider that multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
grow more
quickly
in comparison
with homogeneous society. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
diversity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and development.

First
, various ethnic groups making interactions enrich each other with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
point of views, attitudes toward life, solutions and cultures.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
become more open-minded and tolerant which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the society to thrive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not waste their resources for contradicting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
using the best solutions from the all introduced cultures
instead
.
As a result
, the economy of multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
rapidly
grow, as influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from diverse cultures will support the growth.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
kind of business can
be implemented
, such as Mexican
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurant in my home city, which
was opened
by immigrants from Mexico.
Surprisingly
, it
is become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in spite the fact that it is not our traditional food.

Secondly
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
highly
educated and skilled immigrants arrive in a multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Consequently
, host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
skilled workforce which is definitely is useful for the local economy.
In addition
, part of the migrating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies with them and capital flow
as well
.
For example
, one of my colleague is from India, he brought with him a technology how to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go processing".
do processing
of a LIDAR data, and modelling based on it. Due to this, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
was able to double our income in this quarter.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that ethnical diversity in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the nation to evolve sooner
in contrast
with homogeneous society.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural background living together in the same country makes the country develop faster. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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