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Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural background living together in the same country makes the country develop faster Do you agree v.4

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural background living together in the same country makes the country develop faster Do you agree v. 4
Owing to the fact that there is a growing trend in the level of obesity in the society, some people believe that the increment in the cost of fatty foods will eradicate the problem. In my opinion, I totally disagree because I believe that there are other factors such as genetic, way of life and nature of work that are also responsible and by all the other factors are addressed, the dilemma will not be resolved. To begin with, there is a school of thought that believed that if fatness runs in the family, reducing fatty food intake will not curb the situation. However, medical advice has been given to such families to observe regular exercises and to be careful of what they consume. For instance, in a family where grandparents and all the children are obese, they will be put on certain diets which will mainly consist of vegetables. Another reason to consider is the nature of work an individual does. Research has proven that some work which are sedimentary are major causes of overweight Hence, such employees are advised to take frequent breaks by talking a walk so as to control this. For instance, cashier in a bank sits for a long period due to the nature of work. In conclusion, even though consumption of fatty foods is one of the major causes of obesity, other factors such as hereditary and work nature are also responsible and until all the factors are taken care of problem will not be resolved.
Owing to the fact that there is a growing trend in the level of obesity in the society,
some
people
believe that the increment in the cost of fatty foods will eradicate the problem. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree
because
I believe that there are other
factors
such as genetic, way of life and
nature
of
work
that are
also
responsible and by all the other
factors
are addressed
, the dilemma will not
be resolved
.

To
begin
with, there is a school of
thought
that believed that if fatness runs in the family, reducing fatty food intake will not curb the situation.
However
, medical advice has been
given
to such families to observe regular exercises and to be careful of what they consume.
For instance
, in a family where grandparents and all the children are obese, they will
be put
on certain diets which will
mainly
consist of vegetables.

Another reason to consider is the
nature
of
work
an individual does. Research has proven that
some
work
which are sedimentary are major causes of overweight
Hence
, such employees
are advised
to take frequent breaks by talking a walk
so as to
control this.
For instance
, cashier in a bank sits for a long period due to the
nature
of work.

In conclusion
,
even though
consumption of fatty foods is one of the major causes of obesity, other
factors
such as hereditary and
work
nature
are
also
responsible and until all the
factors
are taken
care of problem will not
be resolved
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural background living together in the same country makes the country develop faster Do you agree v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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