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Some people think that having a set retirement at the age of 5 for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an earlier age. -agree or disagree -which types of workers do you think would benefit from this? v.1

Some people think that having a set retirement at the age of 5 for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an earlier age. -agree or disagree -which types of workers do you think would benefit from this? v. 1
There is an everlasting debate about the retirement age. Some people prefer the exit from occupation, age would be 55, Where as others believe that there should be no retirement age until the person stop loves his job. The first set of people believe that early cease to work would lead to a peaceful life with a pension. In my view, it's better to leave the choice to the person whether to pursue the job or not. Let us discuss about both of these in detail. First, early retirement gives mental peace to the person as he had worked hard all of these days. So it would be beneficial to an employee to retire early. In addition to this, working in old age might cause tension and other ailments. Take an instance, Indian Institute of Technology, Chennai, addressed the issue of health of old age workers by conducting a survey of 3000 Older people. They found that early retirement makes a person less stressful and happier than a same age old man with job responsibilities. However, there are some advantages of doing work at retirement age. These are better social communication, more financial security and independence. So, only employee could take a decision about this. On the contrary, there are some sort of employees like peons, clerks and low paying employees would be in an advantageous state if they consider the retirement. This is because, they have so many responsibilities and it's a wise choice to opt for the retirement and get the pension plan. Although, persons who are working in the sectors, which are in a collapsing state could consider the old age plan. The conclusion is, we must give options to the employees so that they would take the call and choose the right path as per their convenience. However, the nation also should put focus on the employees who are closer to the old age plan by giving advises and provide adequate information about their old age plan.
There is an everlasting debate about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer the exit from occupation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would be 55,
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
others believe that there should be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
his job. The
first
set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
cease to work would lead to a peaceful life with a pension. In my view, it's better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the choice to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
whether to pursue the job or not.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
of these in detail.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
gives mental peace to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
as he had worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
all of these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it would be beneficial to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
to retire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
.
In addition
to this, working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
might cause tension and other ailments. Take an instance, Indian Institute of Technology, Chennai, addressed the issue of health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
workers by conducting a survey of 3000

Older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
less stressful and happier than a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
with job responsibilities.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of doing work at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. These are better social communication, more financial security and independence.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
could take a decision about this.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "sorts"?
sort
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
like peons, clerks and low paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would be in an advantageous state if they consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities and it's a wise choice to opt for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the pension plan. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
who are working in the sectors, which are in a collapsing state could consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
plan.

The conclusion is, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give options to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would take the call and choose the right path as per their convenience.
However
, the nation
also
should put focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who are closer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
plan by giving advises and provide adequate information about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
plan.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement at the age of 5 for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at an earlier age. -agree or disagree -which types of workers do you think would benefit from this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
331 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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