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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v.2

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 2
A shared opinion is that people should not have to retire, on a common age, for all different fields of activity, instead, some of them should have the right to benefit from an earlier paid retirement. I strongly agree with this point of view as the age of retirement should vary depending on the nature of the filled job. Moreover, labour workers must be entitled to having such privilege. As long as there is a multitude of job domains, the age of quitting the service has to be as variable. Because each job nature needs a certain body strength and abilities to fulfil it, but those decline, with age, on different paces depending on the variation of accomplished activities. Having a desk position, for instance, does not require the same physical effort as working on the production line in a factory. Therefore, the two positions should have different age limits. The employees of more physically-demanding activities should have the choice to retire at a younger age than their fellow administrative staff. As the first kind of job necessitates a greater effort to achieve. Consequently, affecting the workers' health in the long term. Thus, the need for a sooner work-leave. A recent study claimed that laborious work for an extended period is the reason for numerous health problems and later-on body dysfunctions. To sum up, I completely agree with providing the choice of retiring at a younger age, especially for more physically hard working individuals. Because not all jobs are equally demanding. Therefore, retiring age should be more flexible.
A shared opinion is that
people
should not
have to
retire, on a common
age
, for all
different
fields of activity,
instead
,
some
of them should have the right to benefit from an earlier paid retirement. I
strongly
agree
with this point of view as the
age
of retirement should vary depending on the nature of the filled
job
.
Moreover
,
labour
workers
must
be entitled
to having such privilege.

As long as there is a multitude of
job
domains, the
age
of quitting the service
has to
be as variable.
Because
each
job
nature needs a certain body strength and abilities to fulfil it,
but
those decline, with
age
, on
different
paces depending on the variation of accomplished activities. Having a desk position,
for instance
, does not require the same physical effort as working on the production line in a factory.
Therefore
, the two positions should have
different
age
limits.

The employees of more
physically
-demanding activities should have the choice to retire at a younger
age
than their fellow administrative staff.
As
the
first
kind of
job
necessitates a greater effort to achieve.
Consequently
, affecting the workers' health in the long term.
Thus
, the need for a sooner work-
leave
. A recent study claimed that laborious work for an extended period is the reason for numerous health problems and later-on body dysfunctions.

To sum up, I completely
agree
with providing the choice of retiring at a younger
age
,
especially
for more
physically
hard working
individuals.
Because
not all
jobs
are
equally
demanding.
Therefore
, retiring
age
should be more flexible.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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