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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.9

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 9
Preservation of the tradition in many countries has sparked a heated debate among people in our society. We must acknowledge that some people believe preserving tradition in technology and a way of life is worthwhile; however, I would claim that investing our available resources to make advancements in the current system is more beneficial. An improvement in social well-being continues to grow than its demand; the available resources, such as time and money, needs to be invested where the most return is guaranteed to improve the standards of living. Admittedly, traditional skills and previous ways of life may help to save the values that the society currently holds; however, as the technology keeps on improving, those technologies in the past may be outdated and may not be applicable to add greater value to the existing system in the current society. It is advised by several professionals in various sectors such as engineering, business, and environment that the government should divert their attention from the traditions; more benefits are expected with the future inventions. Furthermore, preserving tradition has turned into one of the pressing problems due to its cost of maintenance. It simply does not allow the government to allocate its budget wisely. For example, maintenance and cleaning cost of traditional art pieces requires hiring a vast majority of specific scientific professionals who are qualified for its unique maintenance methods in the museum. Of course, those traditional masterpieces can serve people as one the entertainment, but the actual return of gain to the general public is marginal. It is more beneficial to focus on future development and let the government avoid any unpremeditated decisions on its resources. To conclude, investing our available resources to the future is more practical gain in a long term view; it is expensive to maintain our tradition, and it is a natural phenomenon to adjust for future changes.
Preservation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries has sparked a heated debate among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in our society. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acknowledge that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
in technology and a way of life is worthwhile;
however
, I would claim that investing our available resources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
advancements in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
system is more beneficial.

An improvement in social well-being continues to grow than its demand; the available resources, such as time and money, needs to
be invested
where the most return
is guaranteed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standards of living.
Admittedly
, traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and previous ways of life may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save the values that the society
currently
holds;
however
, as the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on improving, those technologies in the past may
be outdated
and may not be applicable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
greater value to the existing system in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society. It
is advised
by several professionals in various sectors such as engineering, business, and environment that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should divert their attention from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
; more benefits are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
inventions.

Furthermore
, preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
has turned into one of the pressing problems due to its cost of maintenance. It
simply
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to allocate its budget
wisely
.
For example
, maintenance and cleaning cost of traditional art pieces requires hiring a vast majority of specific scientific professionals who
are qualified
for its unique maintenance methods in the museum.
Of course
, those traditional masterpieces can serve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as one the entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the actual return of gain to the
Consider using "public".
general public
is marginal. It is more beneficial to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
avoid any unpremeditated decisions on its resources.

To conclude
, investing our available resources to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is more practical gain in a long term view; it is expensive to maintain our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
, and it is a natural phenomenon to adjust for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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