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Some people think that having a set of retirement age (e. g 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Some people think that having a set of retirement age (e. g 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 1
It is argued that a certain age should be agreed for retirement of senior citizens in respective of their jobs and some senior citizens should be allowed to retire and receive their pensions earlier. This essay would agree that senior workers in certain jobs should be allowed to retire earlier and would discuss the type of workers that are eligible for early retirement. Firstly, ageing is part of life and most times senior workers have paid their dues after working for years. As they grow older what comes easily and naturally to them would be a bit difficult. For instance, jobs like factory workers, craftsmen, welders would not be opportune to handle the equipments the way they use to. In addition, I believe that workers in this sector should have the option of retiring at 50years and should have access to their pensions. For example, research has shown that 70% of factory workers can’t carry and use the equipment they were able to use in their younger years. The types of workers that this scheme would be beneficial to are workers like craftsmen, factory workers, labourers and people that feel they have worked enough to retire. Most of the workers in this category tend to age fast because of the physical work they tend to do and the force they expend daily. The other category are people who are volunteering to retire due to the fact that they are tired or one health challenge or the other. For example, Mr Akin on my street, decided to retire early because he developed partial blindness due to sawdust after working for 35 years as a factory worker. Another example is, recent study shows that the labourers that clear the field and tend the garden of Richards company most of them cannot walk straight because of hours spent clearing the fields for years. To conclude, while ageing is part of life, senior workers should be given the option to decide when they would love retire and their pensions paid according. Also note and some jobs are more demanding physically than others.
It
is argued
that a certain age should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
for retirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens in respective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
and receive their pensions earlier. This essay would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
earlier and would discuss the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
that are eligible for early retirement.

Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
is part of life and most times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have paid their dues after working for years. As they grow older what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
easily
and
naturally
to them would be a bit difficult.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, craftsmen, welders would not be opportune to handle the equipments the way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to.
In addition
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in this sector should have the option of retiring at 50years and should have access to their pensions.
For example
, research has shown that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
can’t carry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the equipment they were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in their younger years.

The types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
that this scheme would be beneficial to are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
like craftsmen,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that feel they have worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in this category tend to age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the physical work they tend to do and the force they expend daily. The other category are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are volunteering to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
due to the fact that they
are tired
or one health challenge or the other.
For example
, Mr Akin on my street, decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
early
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he developed partial blindness due to sawdust after working for 35 years as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
. Another example is, recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the field and tend the garden of Richards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
most of them cannot walk straight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of hours spent clearing the fields for years.

To conclude
, while
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
is part of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the option to decide when they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
and their pensions paid according.
Also
note and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are more demanding
physically
than others.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set of retirement age (e. g 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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