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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v.3

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage. Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 3
Many people believe that fixing the age limit for retirement at 65 without considering the nature of their occupation is a rude policy. They argue that exception should be given to certain occupations which involve physical and emotional stress. I agree with them. A good reason to lower the age limit for retirement is that it eases the stress and pain of elderly people who are involved in hard physical labour. Generally speaking there is a lot of pressure in the working environment like achieving the month end targets. In order to meet these targets they are forced to work for longer hours which may not possible at their age. Another point to consider is that they may have lost their strength as they have been working for 25 to 30 years. Due to this they may not be able to work as efficiently as they did in the past. Finally, it is essential for all people to stay fit and healthy. Elder people are more likely to fall ill than others. This is because they have a weak immune system. That is the reason doctors advise their elderly patients to stop working at a certain age. Employees working in certain sectors will benefit from early retirement. For example, drivers should retire early. For driving we need more concentration throughout the work. So, people who crossed sixty might not be able to focus on their job for a long time. The same rule is applicable to air trafficking controllers, emergency rescue teams and people involved in mining activities. To conclude, there are certain occupations which involve physical and emotional stress. So people working in these occupations should be provided the option of voluntary retirement if they think they are not fit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that fixing the age limit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
at 65 without considering the nature of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
is a rude policy. They argue that exception should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
which involve physical and emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to lower the age limit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pain of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are involved
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
physical
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
Generally
speaking there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment like achieving the month
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
targets. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these targets they
are forced
to work for longer hours which may not possible at their age. Another point to consider is that they may have lost their strength as they have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for 25 to 30 years.

Due to this they may not be able to work as
efficiently
as they did in the past.
Finally
, it is essential for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay fit and healthy. Elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to fall ill than others. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a weak immune system.
That is
the reason doctors advise their elderly patients to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
age.

Employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
sectors will benefit from early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
For example
, drivers should retire early. For driving we need more concentration throughout the work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who crossed sixty might not be able to focus on their job for a long time. The same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
is applicable to air trafficking controllers, emergency rescue teams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involved in mining activities.

To conclude
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
which involve physical and emotional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
should
be provided
the option of voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are not fit.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier stage. Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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