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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody. Regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an early age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v.1

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody. Regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an early age. Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 1
AS FAR AS I CAN SEE I HAVE NOTICED THAT LIFE EXCEPANCY HAS BEEN DECREASING GRADUALLY. IT IS BELIEVED BY SOME INDIVIDUAL THAT FIX RETIREMENT AGE IN GENERAL RATHER THAN OCCUPATIONA IS PARTIAL. THEY THINK THAT SOME WORKER SHOULD HAVE EARLY PENSSION SUCH AS HEALTH PROFESSIONALS, TEACHERS, TRADE WORKERS ETC. I TOTALLY CONCURE WITH THE NOTION ABOVE AND THIS EASSY WILL DISCUSSE ABOUT HOW IS IS UNFAIR WITH RELATED TO WORK AND WHY CERTAIN PEOPLE SHOULD GET AN EARLY PULLOUT FROM WORK. TO START WITH, FIRSTLY A PEOPLE IN SUCH PROFESSION WHERE THEY ARE COMPROMISING THEIR PERSONAL LIFE WHILE HELPING OTHERS, SHOULD GET RETIREMENT BEFORE THE FIX AGE. TO ELABORATE, THEY ARE JUST FOCUSING ON THEIR DUTY DURING THAT TIME PERIOD AND NOT THINKING ABOUT THEIR LOVED ONES. THUS THEIR OFFSPRING BECOMING ISOLATE FROM THEIR PARENTS. IT IS NOT THAT THEY DO NOT LOVE THEM BUT IT IS JUST THAT THEY ARE GIVING MORE PRIORITY TO THEIR WORK THAN FAMILY. BY GINIG SUCH PEOPLE EARLY PERMANENT OFF FROM WORK CAN ABLE TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH CLOSED PEOPLE. LASTLY, IF ITHIS SUCH PEOPLE GET EARLY PULLBACK THEN NEW GENERATION GETS AN CHANCE TO COME IN THE FIELD AND CONTRIBUTE TO THE PROFIT MARGINE. TO EXPAND IT, WHEN WE GICE EARLY RETIREMENT THEN WE HAVE MORE PLACE TO HIRE A FRESHERS WHO ARE YOUNG AND DISEASE FREE. AS THEY ARE ADUKLTS THEY HAVE MORE NEW IDIAS FOR THE BUSINESS OR THE AUTHORITY TO USE IT. FOR AN EXAMPLE, ONE OF MY FRIEND APPLIED FOR A POSITION IN MULTINATIONAL COMPANY BUT SHE GOT REJECTION BECAUSE THERE ARE MANY EMPLOYEE WHO STILL WORKS THERE WHO ARE ABOVE 60 YOER OF AGE. IF THAT WOULD GIVEN CHANCE TO HER SHE WOULD HAVE BRING NEW PEOJECTS AS NEW GENERATION HAS LOT MORE LATEST IDEAS. WHAT I BELIVE IS THAT PEOPLE WHO WORKS IN THE HEALTH FIELS OR EDUCATIOAL FIELD, OR MICHANICAL SHOULD GET CHANGE TO TAKE EARLY RETIREMENT FROM PROFESSION BECAUSE OF THE ABOVE REASONS AND BENEFITS TO SUM UP, YES AT PRESENT THERE ARE LAWS WHO SUPPORT THE FIX AGE RETIREMENT BUT GOVERNMENT SHOULD THINK ABOUT THE DRAWBACKS OF HIRING OLDER PEOPLE WHERE YOUGHT CAN GET NEW ADVANCEMENT FOR THE WORK. ALSO HELPFUL FOR PEOPLE TO GET THEIR PERSONAL LIFE HAPPY.
AS FAR AS I CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEE
I HAVE NOTICED THAT LIFE
Possible spelling mistake found.
EXCEPANCY
HAS BEEN DECREASING
GRADUALLY
. IT
IS BELIEVED
BY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
INDIVIDUAL THAT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
FIX
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
IN GENERAL
RATHER
THAN
Possible spelling mistake found.
OCCUPATIONA
IS PARTIAL. THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
WORKER SHOULD HAVE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EARLY
Possible spelling mistake found.
PENSSION
SUCH AS HEALTH PROFESSIONALS, TEACHERS, TRADE WORKERS ETC. I
TOTALLY
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONCURE
WITH THE NOTION ABOVE AND THIS
Possible spelling mistake found.
EASSY
WILL
Possible spelling mistake found.
DISCUSSE
ABOUT HOW
Possible typo: you repeated a word
IS IS
UNFAIR WITH RELATED TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
AND WHY CERTAIN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
SHOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EARLY
PULLOUT FROM WORK.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH,
FIRSTLY
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
IN SUCH PROFESSION WHERE THEY ARE COMPROMISING THEIR PERSONAL LIFE WHILE HELPING OTHERS, SHOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BEFORE
THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
FIX
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
. TO ELABORATE, THEY ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
FOCUSING ON THEIR DUTY DURING THAT TIME PERIOD AND NOT THINKING ABOUT THEIR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LOVED
ONES.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
THEIR OFFSPRING BECOMING ISOLATE FROM THEIR PARENTS. IT IS NOT THAT THEY DO NOT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LOVE
THEM
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
THAT THEY ARE GIVING MORE PRIORITY TO THEIR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
THAN FAMILY. BY
Possible spelling mistake found.
GINIG
SUCH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EARLY
PERMANENT OFF FROM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
CAN ABLE TO
SPEND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
TIME WITH CLOSED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
.
LASTLY
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
IF ITHIS
SUCH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EARLY
PULLBACK THEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
GENERATION
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GETS
Did you mean "a CHANCE" or "any CHANCE"?
AN CHANCE
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COME
IN THE FIELD AND CONTRIBUTE TO THE PROFIT
Possible spelling mistake found.
MARGINE
. TO EXPAND IT, WHEN WE
Possible spelling mistake found.
GICE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EARLY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
THEN WE HAVE MORE PLACE TO HIRE A FRESHERS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
ARE YOUNG AND DISEASE FREE. AS THEY ARE
Possible spelling mistake found.
ADUKLTS
THEY HAVE MORE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
Possible spelling mistake found.
IDIAS
FOR THE BUSINESS OR THE AUTHORITY TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
IT. FOR AN EXAMPLE, ONE OF MY FRIEND APPLIED FOR A POSITION IN MULTINATIONAL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMPANY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
SHE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOT
REJECTION
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THERE ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
EMPLOYEE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
STILL
WORKS THERE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
ARE ABOVE 60
Possible spelling mistake found.
YOER
OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
. IF THAT WOULD
Did you mean "have GIVEN" or "give"?
GIVEN
CHANCE TO HER SHE WOULD HAVE
Use past participle here: "brought".
BRING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
Possible spelling mistake found.
PEOJECTS
AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
GENERATION HAS LOT
Use only "LATEST" (without 'MORE') when you use the superlative.
MORE LATEST
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IDEAS
.

WHAT
Did you mean "I BELieVE"?
I BELIVE
IS THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
Did you mean "work"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'PEOPLE' should be used.
WORKS
IN THE HEALTH
Possible spelling mistake found.
FIELS
OR
Possible spelling mistake found.
EDUCATIOAL
FIELD, OR
Possible spelling mistake found.
MICHANICAL
SHOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHANGE
TO TAKE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
EARLY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
FROM PROFESSION
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE ABOVE REASONS AND BENEFITS

TO SUM UP, YES AT PRESENT THERE ARE LAWS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
SUPPORT THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
FIX
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AGE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
RETIREMENT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
SHOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
ABOUT THE DRAWBACKS OF HIRING OLDER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WHERE
Possible spelling mistake found.
YOUGHT
CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEW
ADVANCEMENT FOR THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORK
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
ALSO
HELPFUL FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
THEIR PERSONAL LIFE HAPPY.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody. Regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an early age. Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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