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Crime rates within our society are increasing at a very rapid rate. Give causes and solutions. v.1

Crime rates within our society are increasing at a very rapid rate. Give causes and solutions. v. 1
The soaring crime rate is often at the top of the agenda throughout the world as the leading problem in the 21st century. This essay will explore how poverty and lack of effective education systems are the major contributing factors of increasing crime, and how through governmental support and reforms in the educational system, this issue Can be curtailed. There are multiple factors that are considered responsible for igniting crimes. Firstly, the poor economic condition of families is deemed as a root cause of this issue. As with the increase in inflation, people are striving hard to make both ends meet which induces pressure on them to earn money by any mean. Take an example of Africa, where the majority of the people, who belong to the poor families, get involved in crimes to feed their dependents. Thus, poverty is the fueling force behind burgeoning crime rates. Secondly, an ineffective education system is considered a breeding ground for augmenting crime rates. As with the present curriculum, youngsters find it hard to differentiate between right and wrong paths. Mentors put stress on students to earn good grades instead of shaping their moral values. For example, the largest jail in Australia has been found to have a higher proportion of school-going youngsters. Hence, the ill-educational system does fuel this issue. However, there are certain pragmatic measures that can be taken to reduce the conviction rate. The government should shoulder the responsibilities of people with limited resources by giving them financial support as this will results in a reduction in crime rate due to poverty. Furthermore, amendments to the educational system would also be a better alternative. Through these changes, curriculum and methods of assessment would be redesigned which will ultimately produce a better society. To sum up, even though poverty and ineffective schooling are a widespread cause of an increase in crime rate, but through higher authorities’ support to the poor families and educational reforms, this problem can be curbed.
The soaring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
at the top of the agenda throughout the world as the leading problem in the 21st century. This essay will explore how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and lack of effective education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
are the major contributing factors of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, and how through governmental support and reforms in the educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, this issue Can
be curtailed
.

There are multiple factors that
are considered
responsible for igniting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Firstly
, the poor economic condition of families
is deemed
as a root cause of this issue. As with the increase in inflation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are striving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
which induces pressure on them to earn money by any mean. Take an example of Africa, where the majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who belong to the poor families,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to feed their dependents.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is the fueling force behind burgeoning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.

Secondly
, an ineffective education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is considered
a breeding ground for augmenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. As with the present curriculum, youngsters find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
paths. Mentors put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on students to earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades
instead
of shaping their moral values.
For example
, the largest jail in Australia has
been found
to have a higher proportion of school-going youngsters.
Hence
, the ill-educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
does fuel this issue.

However
, there are certain pragmatic measures that can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the conviction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should shoulder the responsibilities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with limited resources by giving them financial support as this will results in a reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
Furthermore
, amendments to the educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
would
also
be a better alternative. Through these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, curriculum and methods of assessment would
be redesigned
which will
ultimately
produce a better society.

To sum up,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and ineffective schooling are a widespread cause of an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through higher authorities’ support to the poor families and educational reforms, this problem can
be curbed
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Crime rates within our society are increasing at a very rapid rate. Give causes and solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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