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SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (EG 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT? v.1

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (EG 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT? v. 1
Most of the people Almost work for their entire life for earning a living. As the age increases people start keeping an eye on their retirement plans. On retirement, pension is considered to be a great benefit. A group of people are of an opinion that declaring a designated age limit for retirement for all is not suitable as working style differ from person to person. It is to be believed for a class of workers that they should be released from their jobs at an early age along with their pensions. In my opinion, I agree that the criteria set for the retirement should not be fixed rather it should be flexible depending on the nature of the job. People jobs and their capabilities differ from each other. This means that the retirement plan should be decided according to it. Furthermore, a person performing all of its responsibilities in an effective manner should keep on working, regardless of age. For example, an accountant in my office is carrying on his duties efficiently even at the age of 68 years. On the other hand, some jobs require more physical energy as compare to other jobs. This means the age factor plays a vital role in these jobs. People doing these types of jobs should be released at an earlier age as their body strength is decreasing with increasing age. For example a person working in a cement industry should get retire earlier as he/she would be unable to carry on the work. To conclude, increasing of age does has an effect on the work and I somewhat agree that retirement plans should be decided according to the nature of work, physical and mental strength of a person.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Almost work for their entire life for earning a living.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
keeping an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
plans. On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
, pension
is considered
to be a great benefit. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of an opinion that declaring a designated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
for all is not suitable as working style differ from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. It is to
be believed
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of workers that they should
be released
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
along with their pensions. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the criteria set for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
rather
it should be flexible depending on the nature of the job.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
jobs
and their capabilities differ from each other. This means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
plan should
be decided
according to it.
Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
performing all of its responsibilities
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on working, regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For example
, an accountant in my office is carrying on his duties
efficiently
even at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 68 years.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require more physical energy as compare to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
factor plays a vital role in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
doing these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should
be released
at an earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as their body strength is decreasing with increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For example
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
working in a cement industry should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retire earlier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
he/she would be unable to carry on the work.

To conclude
, increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
does has an effect on the work and I somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
plans should
be decided
according to the nature of work, physical and mental strength of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (EG 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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