Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v.10

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 10
Many governments set an arbitrary retirement age (such as sixty-five), but Some people are physically worn out or mentally exhausted well before they reach this age. While some people believe the set age is reasonable, others think it should be more flexible with exemptions for certain workers. In my opinion, a fixed retirement age is actually best for everybody because it is the easiest and fairest arrangement, but I think a tribunal could be established to decide whether individual workers deserve to Receive a pension at an earlier age. Before the new economy, when most people had a single occupation for life, it Would have made a lot of sense to allow some manual labourers or people working in psychologically stressful roles to retire earlier. Today, however, so many people are changing jobs and shift between industries every few years that it is difficult to make these distinctions. An ideal middle ground would be to have a set retirement age for everybody, But to create a tribunal that could hear individual cases. A sixty year old who had been a miner for forty years could get an early pension, for example, whereas someone of the same age who had only spent eight years mining in his twenties would not. Two types of workers would benefit from early retirement. First are those who Work in tough, physically demanding conditions such as construction workers, coal miners and welders. The others are workers in high stress positions where sound judgement is crucial for public safety. Emergency medical practitioners and air traffic control operators are two such examples. With people’s working lives differing on an individual basis, it is difficult to Classify them into large groups and distribute pensions accordingly. Nevertheless, many individuals still deserve an early pension and in some cases, our well-being may depend on giving it to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
set an arbitrary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
(such as sixty-five),
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
physically
worn out or mentally exhausted well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they reach this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is reasonable, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should be more flexible with exemptions for certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. In my opinion, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is actually best for everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the easiest and fairest arrangement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a tribunal could
be established
to decide whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
deserve
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
to


Receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
at an earlier age.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the new economy, when most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had a single occupation for life, it

Would have made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sense to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
manual
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in
psychologically
stressful roles to retire earlier.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are changing jobs and shift between industries every few years that it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these distinctions.

An ideal middle ground would be to have a set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for everybody,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to create a tribunal that could hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
cases. A sixty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
who had been a miner for forty years could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
,
for example
, whereas someone of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
who had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spent eight years mining in his twenties would not.

Two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
would benefit from early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
First
are those
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
who


Work in tough,
physically
demanding conditions such as construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, coal miners and welders. The others are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
positions where sound judgement is crucial for public safety. Emergency medical practitioners and air traffic control operators are two such examples.

With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
differing on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
basis, it is difficult to

Classify them into large groups and distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pensions
accordingly
.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
still
deserve an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pension
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, our well-being may depend on giving it to them.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 10

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts