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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v.4

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 4
Many governments in various developed countries in the world set aside a maximum retirement age of 65 years for everyone, but as according to other individuals as before reaching this age may have been physically worn out or mentally exhausted. Some believe they should retire as early as possible at an early age and start to receive their pensions. I personally agree that retirement age for certain industrious workers should be fixed in order to be fair and equal, but also the government should look into this issue for various citizens. First and foremost, specifically old aged labourers working in hard jobs would need the age limit to be reduced in order to relieve their pain or stress. As, for example, these old aged workers work under pressure for longer hours would not achieve their targets due to their diminished strength. On the other hand, retiring at an age of 65 years would give a chance for the younger generation to be employed. However, it is generally said that it would render many companies with less experienced workers. There are mostly two types of workers that would without a doubt benefit from early retirement plans. Firstly, for instance welders, masons and also sportsmen work manually and gradually depleting their physique in their daily lives. Vehicle traffic police and also air traffic operators are workers that always experience high stressful situations. In conclusion, I firmly agree that different individuals should have different retirement age limits, as an early retirement age would generally assist both the individual and also an organization.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
in the world set aside a maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 years for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as according to other individuals as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
may have been
physically
worn out or mentally exhausted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe they should retire as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to receive their pensions. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for certain industrious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
in order to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
and equal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should look into this issue for various citizens.

First
and foremost,
specifically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
working in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
jobs would need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in order to relieve their pain or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. As,
for example
, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
work under pressure for longer hours would not achieve their targets due to their diminished strength.

On the other hand
, retiring at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 years would give a chance for the younger generation to
be employed
.
However
, it is
generally
said that it would render
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with less experienced workers.

There are
mostly
two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
that would without a doubt benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
plans.
Firstly
,
for instance
welders, masons and
also
sportsmen work
manually
and
gradually
depleting their physique in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Vehicle traffic police and
also
air traffic operators are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
that always experience high stressful situations.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limits, as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would
generally
assist both the individual and
also
an organization.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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