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School teachers are more responaibke for social and intellectual development of students than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

School teachers are more responaibke for social and intellectual development of students than parents. v. 1
Social and cognitive development of a child is an important determinant of his future life. It is often argued that, teachers play an important role more than that of parents in this aspect. I disagree with this statement and will cover a few reasons to support it. In today's fast progressing world, it has been seen that a couple usually has one or two children. So, this makes it easier for the parents to spend more time with their kids and also teach them about the right and wrong doings of life. It is very easy to manage nowadays, in comparision to the past, when there were more number of offsprings, causing it difficult to concentrate on each one individually. For instance, parents are often seen helping their children in doing homework, which isnt possible in a scenario with multiple kids around. On the other hand, a classroom consists of 30-40 children. Paying attention to each and every student is nearly impossible for a tutor. Subjects, moral values, topics on good behaviour are taught in general and are not targeted individually for every student. Furthermore, pupils spend only 5 to 6 hours of their day in school which forms only one fourth of their daily routine. This makes it even more tough to assess their demeanour throughout the day. To sum up, even though educators definitely pay an important part in being morally responsible for the development of the younger generation, in my opinion, parents have a higher intiative to take up.
Social and cognitive development of a child is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
determinant of his future life. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that, teachers play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role more than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in this aspect. I disagree with this statement and will cover a few reasons to support it.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
progressing world, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a couple
usually
has one or two children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to spend more time with their kids and
also
teach them about the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doings of life. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to manage nowadays, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparision
to the past, when there were more number of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
, causing it difficult to concentrate on each one
individually
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
helping their children in doing homework, which
Possible spelling mistake found
isnt
possible in a scenario with multiple kids around.

On the other hand
, a classroom consists of 30-40 children. Paying attention to each and every student is
nearly
impossible for a tutor. Subjects, moral values, topics on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are taught
in general
and are not targeted
individually
for every student.
Furthermore
, pupils spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5 to 6 hours of their day in school which forms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one fourth of their daily routine. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it even more tough to assess their
Possible spelling mistake found.
demeanour
throughout the day.

To sum up,
even though
educators definitely pay an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in being
morally
responsible for the development of the younger generation, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a higher
Possible spelling mistake found.
intiative
to take up.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay School teachers are more responaibke for social and intellectual development of students than parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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