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Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give you opinion. v.3

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. Give you opinion. v. 3
In a democratic system elected people representatives forms the government to decide on a country’s progress in various sectors. Some people believe that the authority should be investing more money on services to public, including infrastructure development rather than squandering money in the field of arts. This essay will argue, why, funding on creative activity is as important as modernisation. On the one hand, laying out of money for public services will make peoples life more convenient to a large extend. Because, they use these resources which include road, rail and air transport system on a regular basis for commuting purposes. Furthermore, a well maintained facilities will have a direct and collective impact on the economic success of a country. For instance, as per the economic times report, the construction time for a multi-storied building in a developed country takes only one third of a time compared to a third world developing nation with poor infrastructure. These facts clearly prove how critical public service is for a government. On the other hand, allocation of funds in the field of art is also so crucial in our life for its sheer entertainment value. Since time immemorial, creativity has been part of countries culture and tradition. Moreover, it is not only about preserving our identity but also providing the much needed calming and relaxing effect for the working class, who works under tremendous pressure in this modern competent world. Development in the field of music therapy by leaps and bounds is a perfect example for this. Hence, it can be ascertained that ignoring any art form would have a damaging effect particularly on the working class. To conclude, I am of the opinion that, when the government makes the budget allocation, they should not disregard art like music and paintings in the name of public services as it will have an off balancing outcome on the psyche and physique of the people who are the backbone of country’s development activities.
In a democratic system elected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
representatives forms the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to decide on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
progress in various sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the authority should be investing more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, including infrastructure development
rather
than squandering money in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. This essay will argue, why, funding on creative activity is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
.

On the one hand, laying out of money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
life more convenient to a large extend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these resources which include road, rail and air transport system on a regular basis for commuting purposes.
Furthermore
, a well maintained facilities will have a direct and collective impact on the economic success of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, as per the economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
report, the construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for a multi-storied building in a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
takes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one third of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
compared to a third world developing nation with poor infrastructure. These facts
clearly
prove how critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the other hand
, allocation of funds in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crucial in our life for its sheer entertainment value. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
immemorial, creativity has been part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
culture and tradition.
Moreover
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about preserving our identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
providing the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
calming and relaxing effect for the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, who works under tremendous pressure in this modern competent world. Development in the field of music therapy by leaps and bounds is a perfect example for this.
Hence
, it can
be ascertained
that ignoring any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
form would have a damaging effect
particularly
on the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

To conclude
, I am of the opinion that, when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the budget allocation, they should not disregard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
like music and paintings in the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as it will have an off balancing outcome on the psyche and physique of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are the backbone of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development activities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. Give you opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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