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Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. v. 1
Arts is one of the important professions that the government is supporting financially in the recent times. A group of people believes that government has to spend high in public services regardless of wasting money on the arts. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with this statement, which will be discussed in the following passage. Firstly, there are different type of arts such as drawing, dancing, music, singing, acting etc. Every country has their own style in the arts. For instance, Baratanachyam in India, Kuchipodi in Srilanka. To elaborate, some arts represent their culture and tradition. In the modern world, people don't have time to learn this art because the grownups are in the rat race to earn money. Additionally, due to monetary problems, the artists are not willing to spend full time on the arts. Therefore, the government has to support them financially to continue their profession. There are several arts competitions happen all over the globe. To win the competition, the artists has to trained hard. The glory of the nation flourish if the artist brings medal to the nation. Moreover, at the time of the awards this will prize their nation by singing the winning country anthem. Consequently, the people will support such government, which supported financially. To conclude, the more the government support the more the awards will come to the nation. The morality of the people increases if more awards the country achieved. I believe demerits outweigh the merits of government investing money on the arts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professions that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is supporting
financially
in the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend high in public services regardless of wasting money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree with this statement, which will
be discussed
in the following passage.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as drawing, dancing, music, singing, acting etc. Every country has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
style in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Baratanachyam
in India,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kuchipodi
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Srilanka
. To elaborate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
represent their culture and tradition. In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the grownups are in the rat race to earn money.
Additionally
, due to monetary problems, the artists are not willing to spend full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
support them
financially
to continue their profession.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
competitions happen all over the globe. To win the competition, the artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
trained
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. The glory of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
flourish if the artist brings medal to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Moreover
, at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the awards this will prize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
by singing the winning country anthem.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will support such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, which supported
financially
.

To conclude
, the more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support the more the awards will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. The morality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increases if more awards the country achieved. I believe demerits outweigh the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
investing money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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