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Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. v. 4
Over the years, the governments' budget has become tighter, thus every expense must be carefully calculated. While some believe that governments' expenses should be focused on essential services, I would argue that a balance between public services and arts should be taken into account when planning the annual budget. Regarding public services, it is clear that a substantial amount of the annual spending plan should be reserved in order to improve their quality. Such aspects are responsible to raise population's well-being, which is crucial to develop the local community. For instance, when investment in public healthcare is prioritised, ordinary diseases, such as measles or chicken pox, can be completely exterminated, reducing, therefore, infant mortality. If authorities put these services on the back burner, many issues would lead to people's contentment reduction, hence generalised dissatisfaction. However, investing in the arts is not a waste of money, since the basics are already provided. In fact, the arts and other leisure activities play a pivotal role to raise citizen's satisfaction. This is because the arts can lead to low stress levels, as well as promoting a slump at routinely anxieties. Not counting with the fact that a society without artistic development is an automatic society, with no creativity and no potential to grow much further. To illustrate, Italian Renascentism was a period when not only had arts an essential importance, but also economic development was in excel. In conclusion, despite investing in basic services, such as healthcare, local councils should reserve an amount of the annual funds to finance artistic initiatives, since it is imperative to a thorough progress of the nation as a whole.
Over the years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
' budget has become tighter,
thus
every expense
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
carefully
calculated. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
' expenses should
be focused
on essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, I would argue that a balance between public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be taken
into account when planning the annual budget.

Regarding public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a substantial amount of the annual spending plan should
be reserved
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their quality. Such aspects are responsible to raise population's well-being, which is crucial to develop the local community.
For instance
, when investment in public healthcare is
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
, ordinary diseases, such as measles or chicken pox, can be completely exterminated, reducing,
therefore
, infant mortality. If authorities put these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
on the back burner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues would lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's contentment reduction,
hence
Possible spelling mistake. 'generalised' is British English.
generalised
dissatisfaction.

However
, investing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not a waste of money, since the basics are already provided. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and other leisure activities play a pivotal role to raise citizen's satisfaction. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can lead to low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels,
as well
as promoting a slump at
routinely
anxieties. Not counting with the fact that a society without artistic development is an automatic society, with no creativity and no potential to grow much
further
. To illustrate, Italian
Possible spelling mistake found.
Renascentism
was a period when not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
an essential importance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
economic development was in excel.

In conclusion
, despite investing in basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, such as healthcare, local councils should reserve an amount of the annual funds to finance artistic initiatives, since it is imperative to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "thorough progress".
a thorough progress
of the nation as a whole.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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