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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in in towns and cities closing. v. 2
In this contemporary world, web shopping, which gives users the liberty to buy anything with just a click, has deteriorated the business of local shops. Some pragmatists propound that these online shopkeepers will one day win the battle, and this will lead to the permanent shutdown of offline shops. This contentious topic has been profoundly debated in several forums. I am in complete accord with the above perspective that internet giants will kill the business of local shops. Throwing light behind my view, convenience, which every buyer is looking for, is the utmost competitive advantage that online shopkeepers have. As a result, this has made buying an easy pie. Next, I reckon that heavy discounts on online websites entice a lot of potential buyers as we all want maximum at the price of minimum. Furthermore, global brands, which are rarely available at local shops, are in abundance on online shops. Consequently, consumers are no more limited to local brands since their buying capacity is proliferating. For example, I bought a Thomas Guy shampoo for my hair through Amazon. They imported it from Canada as it is not available in Indian shops. Juxtaposed to my view, advocates of local shops believe that trust, which is a paramount factor in any transaction, is an issue when buying online. People when shop physically has more trust on the product and the seller. It is generally speculated that local shops do not take delivery charges. Also, one can buy daily groceries easily from them as it would take days for online shopkeepers to deliver. Moreover, processing time between buying and returning the product is minimal when bought from nearby shops. For example, it would take big basket a day to deliver a milk packet, but it can be bought in few minutes from a local shop. To summarise, I conclude that online shops have the power to dwindle the business of offline shops, although local vendors will find a way to run their shops using tools like trust and less processing time. Therefore, It is not clearly supported that online vendors will take over the market.
In this contemporary world, web shopping, which gives users the liberty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click, has deteriorated the business of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
pragmatists propound that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopkeepers will one day win the battle, and this will lead to the permanent shutdown of offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. This contentious topic has been
profoundly
debated in several forums. I am in complete accord with the above perspective that internet giants will kill the business of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops.

Throwing light behind my view, convenience, which every buyer is looking for, is the utmost competitive advantage that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopkeepers have.
As a result
, this has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
an easy pie.
Next
, I reckon that heavy discounts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
websites entice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
potential buyers as we all want maximum at the price of minimum.
Furthermore
, global brands, which are rarely available at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, are in abundance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Consequently
, consumers are no more limited to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
brands since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
capacity is proliferating.
For example
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a Thomas Guy shampoo for my hair through Amazon. They imported it from Canada as it is not available in Indian shops.

Juxtaposed to my view, advocates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
believe that trust, which is a paramount factor in any transaction, is an issue when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
physically
has more trust on the product and the seller. It is
generally
speculated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
do not take delivery charges.
Also
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
daily groceries
easily
from them as it would take days for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopkeepers to deliver.
Moreover
, processing time between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
and returning the product is minimal when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
For example
, it would take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
basket a day to deliver a milk packet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in few minutes from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shop.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have the power to dwindle the business of offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendors will find a way to run their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
using tools like trust and less processing time.
Therefore
, It is not
clearly
supported that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
vendors will take over the market.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in in towns and cities closing. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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