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Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. v. 2
Every parent has his own way of raising a child. While some believe in complete freedom, others are of the opinion that, it should be restricted. This essay will shed some light on both the views before reaching a reasoned conclusion. Many parents advocate giving their offspring’s complete freedom. This is because, they believe that, otherwise the child will feel suffocated and thus will not grow up in an environment conducive to his development. For example, by not restricting a youngster's choice, he will be free to make his own decisions and feel fulfilled and content. At the same time, children must not take it for granted and misuse the freedom given to them. On the other hand, some parents limit their children's freedom for some obvious reasons. One of which being that, the children may not be mature enough to make good reasoned decisions. Many youngsters, for example, are easily influenced by peer pressure into trying dangerous activities such as drugs and smoking. For instance, my cousin, in his adolescent age, got engaged with bad company and involved himself in malicious activities. At the right time, he got proper guidance from his parents and was able to come out of such activities and that made him to concentrate on his studies. Needless to say that, it is more advisable for parents to counsel their children and also give them the opportunity to make their own choices. As a result, this would strengthen the parent-child bond and give the child enough space to experience life. In conclusion, I would side with the belief that, unbridled parenting can result in a child going astray. By not having an authority figure, a child can grow up being disrespectful to others.
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe in complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
, others are of the opinion that, it should
be restricted
. This essay will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on both the views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a reasoned conclusion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
advocate giving their offspring’s complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they believe that,
otherwise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will feel suffocated and
thus
will not grow up in an environment conducive to his development.
For example
, by not restricting a youngster's choice, he will be free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions and feel fulfilled and content. At the same time, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not take it for granted and misuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
limit their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious reasons. One of which being that, the children may not be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasoned decisions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
youngsters,
for example
, are
easily
influenced by peer pressure into trying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities such as drugs and smoking.
For instance
, my cousin, in his adolescent age,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
engaged with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and involved himself in malicious activities. At the right time, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
proper guidance from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of such activities and that made him to concentrate on his studies. Needless to say that, it is more advisable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to counsel their children and
also
give them the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices.
As a result
, this would strengthen the parent-child bond and give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to experience life.

In conclusion
, I would side with the belief that, unbridled parenting can result in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
going astray. By not having an authority figure, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can grow up being disrespectful to others.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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