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Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.9

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement? v. 9
Some individuals opine that governments should spend money on public services rather than on arts like paintings and music, which are a waste of money. I am in complete agreement with this statement because the welfare and development of people should be the prime concern for the government. Firstly, Many countries reported shortage of funds to fulfil the needs for better welfare of people. In other words, these nations are not economically strengthened enough to meet the needs of the people and to provide better public services for their citizens. Consequently, spending the funds on the civic issues and betterment of public services is the noble way. For instance, in 2011 North Korea spent a record share of their country's annual budget on the arts despite being on the bottom list in decent public service provider chart all over the world, inevitably, causing an unrest among the people. Secondly, The other reason for my opinion is the lack of the meteoric rise in the development. That is to say, governments are not concentrating on modernization of the villages and small towns such as improvements in infrastructure, roads, and transportation. Apparently, a better way of living for these people unfolds distinct opportunities for people, which might not be seen the light if not for the development of their area. For example, a report in The Guardian stated that, the UK has seen an astonishing rise of opportunities for their people when they spend their significant share of annual money on the development of their villages instead on the arts. In conclusion, I completely agree that spending money on arts such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should use that for public services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals opine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
rather
than on arts like paintings and music, which are a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I am in complete agreement with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the welfare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be the prime concern for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries reported shortage of funds to fulfil the needs for better welfare of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
, these nations are not
economically
strengthened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and to provide better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for their citizens.
Consequently
, spending the funds on the civic issues and betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is the noble way.
For instance
, in 2011 North Korea spent a record share of their country's annual budget on the arts despite being on the bottom list in decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
provider chart all over the world,
inevitably
, causing an unrest among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, The other reason for my opinion is the lack of the meteoric rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are not concentrating on modernization of the villages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns such as improvements in infrastructure, roads, and transportation.
Apparently
, a better way of living for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
unfolds
distinct opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which might not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the light if not for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of their area.
For example
, a report in The Guardian stated that, the UK has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an astonishing rise of opportunities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they spend their significant share of annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of their villages
instead
on the arts.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on arts such as paintings and music, are a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. with this statement? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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