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Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. v. 5
It is irrefutable that governments has no such planning for investment. Some individuals are of the opinion that government has good in providing public services whereas others opine that they are not. It is necessary to look at both arguments before forming an opinion. In the following paragraphs, I shall discuss the reason. In my opinion, government should have more focuses on providing better services to their citizens which are not seeing in many places. Moreover, government has invested mammoth money for advertising their schemes what they did and what they will do rather than increase public services like public transportation, public security, education etc. People depends on government services which affects their daily life, their daily routines. For example, a person who is going to office, five days in a week, have fixed timing but because of delay in bus or local train will affect to reaching on time and because of that sometime his/her managers shouted on him. On the other hand, other than public services lots of things which also government has to do for development perspective. There is no issue to investing money on arts like music, painting, gardening. Without any doubt, these things are also played a vital role for increasing economy of our county. People all over the world, has come in our country for investing money on different type of arts like in making movies which helps to improve our economy. In conclusion, public services and arts both are necessary for the country development and for that government has to invest on them. But providing best services to their people has always first priority of the government and investing more money for that.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
has no such planning for investment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at providing"?
good in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
whereas others opine that they are not. It is necessary to look at both arguments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
forming an opinion. In the following paragraphs, I shall discuss the reason.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should have more focuses on providing better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to their citizens which are not seeing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has invested mammoth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for advertising their schemes what they did and what they will do
rather
than increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
security, education etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
depends
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
which affects their daily life, their daily routines.
For example
, a person who is going to office, five days in a week, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
timing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of delay in bus or local train will affect to reaching on time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that sometime his/her managers shouted on him.

On the other hand
, other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
lots of things which
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do for development perspective. There is no issue to investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on arts like music, painting, gardening. Without any doubt, these things are
also
played a vital role for increasing economy of our county.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
all over the world, has
The words "come in" and "come to" have different meanings. "Come in our office" means "have an orgasm in our office." "Come to" or "Come into" means "enter." Did you mean "come to" or "come into"?
come in
our country for investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of arts like in making movies which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our economy.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and arts both are necessary for the country development and for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
invest on them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
providing best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
always
first
priority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and investing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for that.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should invest more in public services instead of wasting money on arts such as music and paintings. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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