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Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion? v.4

Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion? v. 4
There is an increasing concern over the individual’s lifestyle should be changed by governments or being controlled by themselves. Both views will be discussed before my conclusion. It is undoubtedly that an individual should be responsible for their own ways to live. This helps them feels freedom and gets rid of anxiety about being controlled. For example, some people play sports to improve their body strengths, while others maintain weigh by engaging in a healthy diet. Even though these kinds of activities may have some negative effects such as being injured or becoming too skinny, but it still their decisions and they should be responsible for this instead of the authorities. Moreover, children obesity which is caused by having a sedentary lifestyle is the responsibility of parents and families. The governments can not make any significant improvement if their parents continuously feed junk foods to their offsprings due to the lacks of work-life balance. On the other hand, governments play an important role in changing some unhealthy lifestyle which may pose a threat to communities. For instance, while smoking in a public area has more negative effects on other innocent people than smokers, alcoholic as well as being addicted to drugs affect adversely to entire generations. Therefore, governments should publish more stringent policies to mitigate these public problems. Furthermore, the government should adjust the national budget to educate and raise awareness to lower level people in choosing the ways they live. It not only helps improve people’s health but also prevents people from serious diseases in the future. In conclusion, while choosing the way one lives should be a personal decision, governments should be responsible for those who cause negative effects on the communities.
There is an increasing concern over the individual’s lifestyle should be
changed
by
governments
or
being controlled
by themselves. Both views will
be discussed
before
my conclusion.

It is
undoubtedly
that an individual should be responsible for their
own
ways to
live
. This
helps
them feels freedom and
gets
rid of anxiety about
being controlled
.
For example
,
some
people
play sports to
improve
their body strengths, while others maintain weigh by engaging in a healthy diet.
Even though
these kinds of activities may have
some
negative
effects such as
being injured
or becoming too skinny,
but
it
still
their
decisions and
they should be responsible for this
instead
of the authorities.
Moreover
, children obesity which
is caused
by having a sedentary lifestyle is the responsibility of parents and families. The
governments
can not
make
any significant improvement if their parents
continuously
feed junk foods to their
offsprings
due to the lacks of work-life balance.

On the other hand
,
governments
play an
important
role in changing
some
unhealthy lifestyle which may pose a threat to communities.
For instance
, while smoking in a public area has more
negative
effects on other innocent
people
than smokers, alcoholic
as well
as
being addicted
to drugs affect
adversely
to entire generations.
Therefore
,
governments
should publish more stringent policies to mitigate these public problems.
Furthermore
, the
government
should adjust the national budget to educate and raise awareness to lower level
people
in choosing the ways they
live
. It not
only
helps
improve
people’s
health
but
also
prevents
people
from serious diseases in the future.

In conclusion
, while choosing the way one
lives
should be a personal decision,
governments
should be responsible for those who cause
negative
effects on the communities.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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