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Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion? v.3

Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion? v. 3
It is argued that government should take steps to change citizens’ lifestyle. While, some people intend that everybody should have responsibilities for their choice in the life, I believe in the positive regulation the local authorities usher in. On the one hand, living your own life has a variety of positive on an individual’s life. A first noticeable point is that once people can do what they like, they will work more effectively. To explain, when individuals find their passion in the workplace, they will devote full energy to the companies, thereby boosting economic development. Furthermore, being able to choose a lifestyle that is suitable to yourself will reduce stress and enhance people’s healthy. For example, some individuals play sport to improve their body strength, while others maintain weigh by engaging in a healthy diet. Even those these kinds of activities may have negative effects such as being injured or becoming too skinny. On the other hand, merits of choosing their own way to live cannot overshadow the vital role of the intervention of the state. The primary reason is that by enacting laws regard to control societies, the government can lead the country through the economic crisis. For instance, after becoming an independent country, Singapore authority offered many regulations to develop such as one family just had one offspring or asked people to live together in houses built by the government, as a result, Singapore has become a world financial centre. In addition, with their responsibility, the state should encourage citizens to raise their awareness of society. To illustrate, government should make residents to be involved in social activities to connect people together or local authorities can mitigate people who smoking in a public area by punishing them strictly. Therefore, it can prevent people from serious diseases in the future. In conclusion, while there are strong arguments that personal decision has more benefit, I believe that government always gives appropriate choices for their residents.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
citizens’ lifestyle. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
intend that everybody should have responsibilities for their choice in the life, I believe in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
regulation the local authorities usher in.

On the one hand, living your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life has a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
on an individual’s life. A
first
noticeable point is that once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do what they like, they will work more
effectively
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, when individuals find their passion in the workplace, they will devote full energy to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, thereby boosting economic development.
Furthermore
, being able to choose a lifestyle
that is
suitable to yourself will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
healthy.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals play sport to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their body strength, while others maintain weigh by engaging in a healthy diet. Even those these kinds of activities may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects such as
being injured
or becoming too skinny.

On the other hand
, merits of choosing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
cannot overshadow the vital role of the intervention of the state. The primary reason is that by enacting laws regard to control societies, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can lead the country through the economic crisis.
For instance
, after becoming an independent country, Singapore authority offered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regulations to develop such as one family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had one offspring or asked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
built by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
as a result
, Singapore has become a world financial
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
In addition
, with their responsibility, the state should encourage citizens to raise their awareness of society. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
residents to
be involved
in social activities to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together or local authorities can mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who smoking in a public area by punishing them
strictly
.
Therefore
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from serious diseases in the future.

In conclusion
, while there are strong arguments that personal decision has more benefit, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
always gives appropriate choices for their residents.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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