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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. v. 3
There are those who believe that hazardous sports should be prohibited. However, numerous arguments have been made in support of the idea that individuals ought to be allowed to participate in any sports they are interested in. This essay discusses both sides of this contentious argument, and then I will give my own perspective. On the one hand, it is argued that governments should ban extreme sports for several reasons. The main one is that it poses risk to participants’ lives. This is because when those who engage in perilous sports make any mistake, they can be seriously injured or maybe killed. For instance, sports such as boxing, skiing, and mountaineering could cause physical disabilities or even death to athletes. Another reason is that it may cause injuries to spectators. In car races, for example, if the racing car brake fail or tires blowout, this car may dash into spectators and hurt them. On the other hand, opponents of this view argue that individuals should feel free to do any sports for various reasons. One of the cogent reasons is that dangerous sports create numerous job opportunities for local people. When people have the right to engage in any events suited to their taste irrespective of its risk, the popularity of sports activities will increase. This will result in a large number of tourists visiting the country to watch such activities, and consequently, jobs related to supplying services to these tourists will be created. In addition, extreme sports makes life easier to manage. This is due to the fact that performing feats such as jumping out of an airplane changes the chemical makeup of the mind. As a result, people performing these activities become more capable of staying calm and centered during stressful situations. In conclusion, I believe both sides of the arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I believe that allowing individuals to do any sports they are interested in brings more benefits such as creating employment opportunities and help them to manage stressful situations.
There are those who believe that hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be prohibited
.
However
, numerous arguments have
been made
in support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that individuals ought to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to participate in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they
are interested
in. This essay discusses both sides of this contentious argument, and then I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.

On the one hand, it
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should ban extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. The main one is that it poses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to participants’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when those who engage in perilous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any mistake, they can be
seriously
injured or maybe killed.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as boxing, skiing, and mountaineering could cause physical disabilities or even death to athletes. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that it may cause injuries to spectators. In car races,
for example
, if the racing car brake fail or tires blowout, this car may dash into spectators and hurt them.

On the other hand
, opponents of this view argue that individuals should feel free to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. One of the cogent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
create numerous job opportunities for local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the right to engage in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
suited to their taste irrespective of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities will increase. This will result in
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
tourists visiting the country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
such activities, and
consequently
, jobs related to supplying services to these tourists will
be created
.
In addition
, extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life easier to manage.
This is due to the fact that
performing feats such as jumping out of an airplane
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the chemical makeup of the mind.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
performing these activities become more capable of staying calm and centered during stressful situations.

In conclusion
, I believe both sides of the arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I believe that allowing individuals to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they
are interested
in brings more benefits such as creating employment opportunities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to manage stressful situations.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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