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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 2
According to some people dangerous sports should be banned, while others feel there should be freedom to do any sports or activity. My view on this is, rather than banning any sports, government should regulate the sports to make it safer. Some sports that involve physical contacts are quite dangerous but they are also very popular among a sizable group of the population. Contact sports such as mixed martial arts can cause serious physical harm to the participants. Sometimes accidents happen in the ring that renders the athletes paralysed. But outright banning the sport will not solve the problem of physical harm, it may have the opposite effect. Banning it will only make them go underground, as there is certainly demand for them. This will not only endanger the life of those who participate in it, but also the authority will miss out on a large revenue. That is why authority should focus towards regulating such sports so it's safer for the athletes. If these sports are regulated and brought into the mainstream then they can generate sizable revenue for the government. That is why in conclusion, I feel dangerous sports should be regulated to reduce the chances of any physical harm to the athletes, but also allowed to thrive as a mainstream sport as long as they are abiding by the rules and regulations.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
, while others feel there should be freedom to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or activity. My view on this is,
rather
than banning any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it safer.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
contacts are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among a sizable group of the population. Contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as mixed martial arts can cause serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
harm to the participants.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
accidents happen in the ring that renders the athletes
Possible spelling mistake. 'paralysed' is British English.
paralysed
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
outright banning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
will not solve the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
harm, it may have the opposite effect. Banning it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them go underground, as there is
certainly
demand for them. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
endanger the life of those who participate in it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the authority will miss out on a large revenue.
That is
why authority should focus towards regulating such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it's safer for the athletes. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are regulated
and brought into the mainstream then they can generate sizable revenue for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

That is
why
in conclusion
, I feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be regulated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chances of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
harm to the athletes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to thrive as a mainstream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as long as they are abiding by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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