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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. v. 2
Economic growth plays an integral role in developing nations. However, while some believe that economic progress is deemed to be extremely imperative for the government of the country, I agree with those who hold the opinion that other sought of progress are also equally matters to the country’s growth. On the one hand, advocates of nations development argue that much higher authority aim is to achieve progress of the economy. This is because usually a growth of any nations is measured on the basis of Gross Domestic Product. For example, if any country GDP is high in the world ranking record, then there will be a higher chance of getting foreign investors in the form of Foreign Direct Investment, which reinforce the country’s currency. In contrast, it is said that any country whose GDP is lower they are often dependent on other countries for the loan and ultimately their currency get weaker in the market. On the other hand, I would argue that there are different sorts of development are fundamental to the country's economy. For instance, it is found that many nations have paramount of illiteracy, so it is the government obligation to give first priority to educate the people of the country so that they get better job prospects. The more literacy ratio, the higher progress of the nation will be. This will result in the form of tax returns to the government. Furthermore, the government also needs to give attention to the unemployment area of the nation. Higher unemployment generally leads to an increase in crime rates. For example, if the government makes available job prospects to the people, it will mitigate crime rates and eventually raise the development of the nation. In conclusion, although it is undeniable that economic growth is extremely important for the development of the country, other factors such as literacy rate and employment factor are also indispensable for the progress of the economy. I believe that other areas should be addressed more rather than only focusing on growth.
Economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
plays an integral role in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
is deemed
to be
extremely
imperative for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sought of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
are
also
equally
matters to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
growth.

On the one hand, advocates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
argue that much higher authority aim is to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
of the economy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
usually
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is measured
on the basis of Gross Domestic Product.
For example
, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
GDP is high in the world ranking record, then there will be a higher chance of getting foreign investors in the form of Foreign Direct Investment, which reinforce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
currency.
In contrast
, it
is said
that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
whose GDP is lower they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for the loan and
ultimately
their currency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
weaker in the market.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I would argue that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
are fundamental to the country's economy.
For instance
, it
is found
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have paramount of illiteracy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
obligation to give
first
priority to educate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better job prospects. The more literacy ratio, the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
will be. This will result in the form of tax returns to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
needs to give attention to the unemployment area of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. Higher unemployment
generally
leads to an increase in crime rates.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
available job prospects to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it will mitigate crime rates and
eventually
raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the nation.

In conclusion
, although it is undeniable that economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as literacy rate and employment factor are
also
indispensable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
of the economy. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas should
be addressed
more
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have the freedom to do any sports or activity. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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