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Some people believe that not all criminals should be kept in prison but that some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community. do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that not all criminals should be kept in prison but that some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community. v. 2
It is often thought that there is a lot of salary given out on space investigation. However, some of them are of the opinion that the wealth should be provided on more important things, such as the developments on our planet. In my point of view, I believe that the regime should spend the money on increasing the living standards of our world rather than the space research. First of all, there is a lot of pollution caused over the years, which can be damaging to our environment and the rest of the creatures. The reason for the huge amount of waste is that there is being less done to avoid these circumstances. For example, a lot of businesses and other factories are still throwing away their waste in the sea without receiving any warning from the regime. All in all, to decrease the amount of this impurity, wealth should be invested to search for any solutions. Second of all, there are still a lot of humans who are being homeless or do not receive clear water. The reason for this is the unhygiene situation or the scarcity in wealth. The government can invest for those people to make their life a bit predictable. For example, installing water pipes by receiving clear water, to reduce the chance for any illness. So, this way the money can be provided in more useful products to give positive changes. To conclude, I strongly believe that the money should be spent on improving the living standards on earth because it will decrease the pollution of our planet and the poor people will receive a possibility to live a healthy life.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
out on space investigation.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are of the opinion that the wealth should
be provided
on more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things, such as the developments on our planet. In my point of view, I believe that the regime should spend the money on increasing the living standards of our world
rather
than the space research.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of pollution caused over the years, which can be damaging to our environment and the rest of the creatures. The reason for the huge amount of waste is that there is being less done to avoid these circumstances.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of businesses and other factories are
still
throwing away their waste in the sea without receiving any warning from the regime. All in all, to decrease the amount of this impurity, wealth should
be invested
to search for any solutions.

Second of all, there are
still
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of humans who are being homeless or do not receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
water.
The reason for this is
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unhygiene
situation or the scarcity in wealth. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can invest for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life a bit predictable.
For example
, installing water pipes by receiving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
water, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chance for any illness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this way the money can
be provided
in more useful products to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that the money should
be spent
on improving the living standards on earth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will decrease the pollution of our planet and the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will receive a possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that not all criminals should be kept in prison but that some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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