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The map shows the changes that have taken place in meadowside village and fonton, a neighbouring town since 1962. v.1

The map shows the changes that have taken place in meadowside village and fonton, a neighbouring town since 1962. v. 1
The statement about the correlation between the growing number of cars and the undeniable worsened condition of traffic could be seen from many different points of view. As far as I know I strongly believe that this connection is absolutely a true one. What I mean is that I think this happens in many cities where people don't really rely on public means of transportation all that much. Moreover, this phenomenon can be influenced by the size of the city, since when you have to travel so much from home to work every day you tend to use your car more. The same can also be said for wealthier populations that can have more that one car per family. On the other hand the government surely has a big role to play in the condition of the city's traffic. For example, they could solidify measures like cheapening the rates for public transport for everyone, not only younger and older people since they don't use cars that much anyway. Another way to tackle this issue could be to improve the service like having more busses and connecting to the outer neighbourhoods too. In addition, if the aforementioned measures don't work the administration could add fines for those that drive in the city centre even though they don't live there. To conclude, I think that this is a very serious issue and people should try to be mindful about how much they use their cars in order to minimize as much as possible the amount of traffic and subsequent pollution in the city.
The statement about the correlation between the growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and the undeniable worsened condition of traffic could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
far as I know I
strongly
believe that this connection is
absolutely
a true one. What I mean is that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this happens in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
really
rely on public means of transportation all that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
.
Moreover
, this phenomenon can
be influenced
by the size of the city, since when you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
from home to work every day you tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
more. The same can
also
be said
for wealthier populations that can have more that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
per family.

On the other hand
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
surely
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role to play in the condition of the city's traffic.
For example
, they could solidify measures like cheapening the rates for public transport for everyone, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
younger and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
since they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
anyway. Another way to tackle this issue could be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the service like having more busses and connecting to the outer
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
too.
In addition
, if the aforementioned measures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
work the administration could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
fines for those that drive in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
even though
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious issue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should try to be mindful about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in order to minimize as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as possible the amount of traffic and subsequent pollution in the city.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The map shows the changes that have taken place in meadowside village and fonton, a neighbouring town since 1962. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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