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Question- Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Question- Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school. v. 1
It is often said that the uniform of the workers should not be taken in the priorities of any corporation as the quality of the work is not dependent on what the employees wear. I partly go with this view for some reason. It is clear to be seen that people, who take the side of the dresses do not affect the quality of the work, have some claims. Firstly, the pursuit of excellence in the career is actually apart from the clothes that you possessor your outer appearance in your work area. Secondly, enforcing one uniform on the employees does not have the same crucial issue as the work environment, boss' concern, and financial return. Finally, wearing the same clothes can not fit all people because people's opinions about their own requirements such as clothes and food are significantly different according to their culture, customs, and their comfort. On the other hand, the opposite opinions see that wearing the same uniform can assure the spirit of loyalty and cooperation between the members of the staff. Furthermore, the difference in financial level between the partners can reflect on their wearing so that some of them may feel that they are lower than their counterparts. Accordingly, the obligation of the uniform of the members of the same company can heal the circumstances stemming from the differential of their social class. In conclusion, although there are some considerable drawbacks of making people free to wear what they want in their work, I agree that we do not give the greatest interest to employees' appearance.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
of the workers should not
be taken
in the priorities of any corporation as the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is not dependent on what the employees wear. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
this view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who take the side of the dresses do not affect the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claims.
Firstly
, the pursuit of excellence in the career is actually apart from the clothes that
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'you'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
you possessor
your outer appearance in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
area.
Secondly
, enforcing one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
on the employees does not have the same crucial issue as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment, boss' concern, and financial return.
Finally
, wearing the same clothes can not fit all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinions about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
requirements such as clothes and food are
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
according to their culture, customs, and their comfort.

On the other hand
, the opposite opinions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that wearing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
can assure the spirit of loyalty and cooperation between the members of the staff.
Furthermore
, the difference in financial level between the partners can reflect on their wearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may feel that they are lower than their counterparts.
Accordingly
, the obligation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
of the members of the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can heal the circumstances stemming from the differential of their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerable drawbacks of making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
free to wear what they want in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we do not give the greatest interest to employees' appearance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Question- Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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