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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others, however, believe that people should have the freedom of choosing sports activities they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others, however, believe that people should have the freedom of choosing sports activities they like. v. 1
There is a debate with some people that if governments may announce a policy that stops people to play hazardous sports. Some of them think those sports ought to be prohibited while others argue that adults have right to participate any sport they are interested in. This essay will talk about both advantages and disadvantages about dangerous sports and give my views. People who think perilous sports should be banned due to two reasons. Firstly, it is really easy for those playing extreme sports to be seriously injured or even killed. For example, sports such as boxing often leads players become disabilities by accidentally damaging their spines. Thus, their lives are destroyed. Secondly, dangerous sports may increase the rate of juvenile delinquency. By watching those games, teenagers are easily tend to be violent as they are not mature. As the result, they may beat others by fighting which cause them to be offenders. Although the perilous sports have some disadvantages, they have two advantages. Most importantly, it can simulate the economy. If there is no limit on the dangerous sports, an increasing number of people may join in, which leads an enhance in demand for facilities and related services. So a lot of employment opportunities are created for local residents to meet the need of constructing and various services such as offering accommodations to tourists. In addition, if social members are able to do any sport, they may have chances to achieve their personal goals, such as becoming sport professionals, which makes them feel happy. In conclusion, it appears to me that sports such as car racing and boxing have both good and bad effects. In my mind, government should announce a policy such as age limit to protect juniors, and permitting other people to do any sport they are interested in.
There is a debate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
may announce a policy that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to play hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
ought to
be prohibited
while others argue that adults have right to participate any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
they
are interested
in. This essay will talk about both advantages and disadvantages about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and give my views.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
perilous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be banned
due to two reasons.
Firstly
, it is
really
easy for those playing extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to be
seriously
injured or even killed.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as boxing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads players become disabilities by
accidentally
damaging their spines.
Thus
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may increase the rate of juvenile delinquency. By watching those games,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
easily
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to be violent as they are not mature. As the result, they may beat others by fighting which cause them to be offenders.

Although the perilous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, they have two advantages. Most
importantly
, it can simulate the economy. If there is no limit on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in, which leads
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'enhance' is correct. If 'enhance' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an enhance
in demand for facilities and related services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
employment opportunities
are created
for local residents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the need of constructing and various services such as offering accommodations to tourists.
In addition
, if social members are able to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, they may have chances to achieve their personal goals, such as becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
professionals, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel happy.

In conclusion
, it appears to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as car racing and boxing have both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my mind,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should announce a policy such as age limit to protect juniors, and permitting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
they
are interested
in.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others, however, believe that people should have the freedom of choosing sports activities they like. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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