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goverments fail to protect animals. Discuss this problem and have some methods to deal with it v.1

goverments fail to protect animals. Discuss this problem and have some methods to deal with it v. 1
Over the recent years, protecting animals is a hot issue, and there is no doubt that people have failed to defend fauna. This essay is going to discuss several causes and methods for this matter. There are two main casual factors why governments have not succeeded in animal protection. The first prominent reason is that trees are being cut down by local people to make way for planting crops, constructing houses or raising livestock, which lead to the destruction of natural habitats. That explains why animals do not have wild forests to shelter, so they easily become humans’ targets, and be hunted for fur, horns or food. Another perceived ground is that some extreme weather and climate events have increased in recent decades. For instance, bush fires happening in Australia this year are extremely severe. Consequently, over one billion animals such as koalas, kangaroos and exotic birds died, and other animals are at risk of extinction. Therefore, there are two main approaches to tackle with this matter. The most magnificent solution for protecting animals is to raise awareness of humans’ impact on environmental protection. For example, governments can have some campaigns in order to help local people realize the dangers of clearing up huge plots of wild forests, and through that natural habitat for a wide range of animals are protected. A further technique is that authorities should have more effective policies to diminish the amount of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere, and take responsibility for planting trees. Accordingly, we can prevent extreme weather conditions such as climate change, global warming and greenhouse effect, so people can save a lot of endangered species. To sum up, there are some reasons that explains why there is a decrease in the quantity of fauna, and governments should have some methods to deal with this problem. Therefore, we can maintain and conserve biodiversity on the earth.
Over the recent years, protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is a hot issue, and there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have failed to defend fauna. This essay is going to discuss several causes and methods for this matter.

There are two main casual factors why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have not succeeded in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection. The
first
prominent reason is that trees are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down by local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for planting crops, constructing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
or raising livestock, which lead to the destruction of natural habitats. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
do not have wild forests to shelter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
easily
become humans’ targets, and
be hunted
for fur, horns or food. Another perceived ground is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extreme weather and climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
have increased in recent decades.
For instance
, bush fires happening in Australia
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean: "this year is"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this year are
extremely
severe.
Consequently
, over one billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
such as koalas, kangaroos and exotic birds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
, and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of extinction.

Therefore
, there are two main approaches to tackle with this matter. The most magnificent solution for protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is to raise awareness of humans’ impact on environmental protection.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
campaigns in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of clearing up huge plots of wild forests, and through that natural habitat for a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are protected
. A
further
technique is that authorities should have more effective policies to diminish the amount of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere, and take responsibility for planting trees.
Accordingly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
extreme weather conditions such as climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, global warming and greenhouse effect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
endangered species.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why there is a decrease in the quantity of fauna, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to deal with this problem.
Therefore
, we can maintain and conserve biodiversity on the earth.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay goverments fail to protect animals. Discuss this problem and have some methods to deal with it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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