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Some people believe that the government should ban dangerous sporting activities, while others think that people should have the freedom to do whatever sports they choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that the government should ban dangerous sporting activities, while others think that people should have the freedom to do whatever sports they choose. v. 1
This contemporary world has attracted a lot of voices on the success of the educational system. Some believe that good teachers are pertinent, whereas others point in the attitude of the students. Considering the role of the teachers more significant, I would substantiate on the same. To elucidate the idea which supports the importance of excellent teachers, I believe that students follow the path to which their teachers guide. Moreover, young children being amateur and immature towards the subjects need to be handled with love and affection. Each child is distinguishable, and it is the responsibility of the teacher to provide the required attention which he demands. For example, the burgeoning problem of dyslexia, some believe that it cannot be cured, but if the appropriate support is provided it can be nipped in bud, and the student can do wonders. Now to embark on the compelling outlook which gives the students’ attitude, the paramount position, I reckon that the effort from the student’s side is essential. Until and unless there is a will to do something the steps taken by the teachers might go in vain. Some children want to follow their dreams and peruse their passion and hence show no interest towards the education being provided. To illustrate, let us take the example of the famous cricketer Virat Kohli, he might be a top-notch in his field, but didn’t attain a good educational qualification because of the absence of interest. To sum up, I would say that the right attitude towards education is eminent but the role a teacher plays a significant role which cannot be ignored. It is the responsibility of the teacher to mould the mind of a child, which is a soft clay, in the right direction.
This contemporary world has attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
voices on the success of the educational system.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are pertinent, whereas others point in the attitude of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Considering the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
more significant, I would substantiate on the same.

To elucidate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
which supports the importance of excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
follow the path to which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
guide.
Moreover
, young children being amateur and immature towards the subjects need to
be handled
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection. Each child is distinguishable, and it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
to provide the required attention which he demands.
For example
, the burgeoning problem of dyslexia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it cannot
be cured
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if the appropriate support
is provided
it can
be nipped
in bud, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can do wonders.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
to embark on the compelling outlook which gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
attitude, the paramount position, I reckon that the effort from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
side is essential. Until and unless there is a will to do something the steps taken by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
might go in vain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
children want to follow their dreams and peruse their passion and
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
no interest towards the education
being provided
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us take the example of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricketer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
, he might be a top-notch in his field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
didn’t attain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational qualification
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the absence of interest.

To sum up, I would say that the right attitude towards education is eminent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the role a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
plays a significant role which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. It is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
the mind of a child, which is a soft clay, in the right direction.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should ban dangerous sporting activities, while others think that people should have the freedom to do whatever sports they choose. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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